


And if anyone asks, you're my best friend.

by trickydoll



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Cheating, F/M, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Grinding, I APOLOGIZE, LIKE SO MUCH SMUT, M/M, Smut, THERE IS PROBS MORE ANGST THAN SMUT THO, buttsecks, like every smut related tag fucking bye, theres SO MUCH SMUT, well more like fwb to lovers but ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-04-17 11:54:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4665618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trickydoll/pseuds/trickydoll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell suppressed how he felt for years. In a drunken stupor, he lets his feelings act before his mind and finds himself in an agreement that he wasn't sure if he completely liked. If it made Phil happy, though, he'd continue on. It got him kissed, got him off, but it didn't get him loved. It stung, but in the heat of the moment, when their lips parted, Dan could only nod as Phil said, "And if anyone asks, you're just my best friend."</p><p>or</p><p>In which Phil gets a girlfriend, Dan is jealous, then Phil is sexually frustrated, so Dan gets him off.</p><p>FIC PLAYLIST ; <a href="http://8tracks.com/legithowell/you-re-my-best-friend/edit">x</a></p><p>COMPLETE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. beginnings & revelations

**Author's Note:**

> I've been super excited to post this fic because I've been working on it for awhile. It's not finished, but I'm working. When its complete, I'll post it as a oneshot on tumblr so heck ya. updated note 9/23/15: ive decided not to post this on wattpad for the time being.

  
The whole situation started with a sentence.

"I have a date this weekend."

It was said with mock confidence. Too loud and with a voice too wavering to not be nervous about this statement. Dan Howell stopped tapping his fingers loudly across his keyboard to look up at his flatmate and best friend, Phil Lester, who had spoken. He'd heard him loud and clear (especially loud, considering the boy near shouted it due to his nerves obviously being eaten away) but for some reason, he found himself raising a brow, dumbly asking, "What?"

Phil cleared his throat, the uneasy look on his face only growing. Dan couldn't pinpoint what it was that was making him so... _afraid_. He was, after all, his best friend. Right? He shouldn't be worried in the least about telling him about this date. Phil was quieter this time, looking sheepish as he fiddled with his hands, "I have a date on Saturday."

Okay. So, he had heard him correctly. His eyes lulled lazily down from his friend's face to the floor, and he breathed in slowly through his nose. A date. His gaze snapped back up to Phil, a broad smile decorating his features, "Okay. That's great. I hope you have fun." Dan then resumed typing on his laptop. In his peripheral vision, he saw a confused look on Phil's face before the man smiled, muttering a happy, "Cool, thanks.", and resuming his own scrolling his computer.

Dan wouldn't say it out loud, but he felt a painful pang in his chest in that moment.

\--

"Woah." Dan is a bit taken aback as Phil enters the lounge wearing a neatly ironed button up and what looked like new jeans, his fingers frantically brushing as his fringe. His gaze is now on Dan instead of attempting to look up at his hair, and he's got a bit of pink to his cheeks.

"Good or bad?" He asks, teeth worrying at his bottom lip.

"Good," Dan gives him a thumbs up and suddenly he seems to deflate as if someone has released most of the tension from his body. "So, you never did tell me who you're going out with tonight. I didn't even know you were talking to anybody."

"Oh," Phil begins, sounding a bit guilty, "Her name is Caitlyn. We met at the shop and I don't know, we talked a lot and then she asked if I wanted to get coffee so we did and...it was nice. We traded numbers and then we met up last week at Starbucks again and I asked her on an official date. Like, the one tonight."

Dan laughed quietly at the last comment, making his friend a bit flustered, "Obviously."

"Shut up."

"You're too nervous."

"I can't help it!" Phil huffed in annoyance, "I haven't been on a date in years. Plus, I really like Caitlyn."

Dan's smile faltered a bit, and he mumbled. "Is that so."

Phil noticed the change in the air and shifted his weight from foot to foot. He opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it deciding to check the time instead. He still had time, but the tension in the flat was heavy and near suffocating all of the sudden, and he didn't like it. "I gotta run. See you later tonight!" He exited the lounge briskly, only getting a noise of acknowledgement from Dan and a teasing comment of "Don't have too much fun on your first date." before he was out.

\--

The date wasn't brought up the next day.

Phil didn't push it and Dan didn't bother to ask. It was mildly annoying to both for different reasons; Phil didn't understand why Dan wasn't at all happy for his best friend, and Dan didn't understand why the very thought of this Caitlyn girl made him sick. He was sure she was lovely-- she had to be to have caught Phil's attention.

As content as Dan was with never hearing about her again, he was also curious as to if the date was even successful. Phil hadn't brought it up on his own (although, that could be because Dan made it a little too obvious he didn't wanna hear about it) so maybe it wasn't that great. The brunette sighed, combing his fingers through his hair. He set his laptop aside, "Phil." His flatmate looked up from his phone, "So...tell me about your date."

At that, Phil beamed and begin to ramble about every detail from last night. Dan, she was wonderful. She looked so pretty. It went smoothly. We have so much in common!

Dan felt sick.

\--

A few days after the first date, Phil went out again.

He had been going on date after date with this Caitlyn girl until Dan begin to lose track of how many times he'd heard his flatmate say he was going to spend the morning or afternoon with her.

He didn't like it at all.

It had been going on for at least a month now, and Phil had officially said she was his girlfriend. The word made Dan's head spin.

That night, Phil came waltzing into the lounge, dressed up with neat hair and new clothes once again.

"Are you..." Dan stared, eyes raking up and down his friend for a moment, "Going out with her again?"

Phil nodded, smiling brightly as he grabbed his things, "We went for dinner last time and now she wants to see a movie. It wasn't going to be a date, but then she called me an hour ago saying well, why go alone when you have someone to go with!"

"...Right." Dan turned his attention back to the video he was editing, glancing down at the time. "Its already ten at night, Phil. How late are you going to be out?"

"Er...I don't know. Caitlyn wanted to see a late showing. She said it was better for the mood." He laughed and Dan resisted an eye roll. "We may grab something to eat at an all night place afterwards...Either way, I'll be back before you've even thought about sleeping. I know how your sleeping patterns are."

Dan smiled faintly, "Okay. Have fun, then."

He waved Phil off, watching as he left in a bit of a hurry. Once the door closed, he let out a loud and angry sound. He covered his face with his hands, dragging downwards slowly in frustration. "Fuck," He whispered, "I think I'm jealous."

\--

Around one in the morning, Phil finally found himself trudging up the steps to his flat. He was tired, but a happy feeling was swirling around inside of him and he couldn't help but smile. He unlocked his door, stepping inside and breathing out a sigh of relief. He couldn't wait to get to his room and crash. "Dan?" He called out with a yawn. When there was no reply, he dragged himself into the lounge. "Da- oh." His friend was sleeping in what looked like an uncomfortable position-- he was sunken into the sofa cushions, his head drooping to the side, and his laptop threatening to slide off his lap.

Phil suppressed a small laugh, walking over and shutting the laptop and setting it to the side. He shook Dan by the shoulder gently, "Dan, hey, wake up." The boy's eyes fluttered open slowly, and he glanced up at Phil with a dazed look, mouth hanging open slightly. He pressed his lips into a flat line, bringing a hand up to rub his eyes gently. Phil stepped back, grinning a bit at the boy. He sorta looked...precious.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep," He mumbled tiredly, rolling his head to work the cramping in his neck out. "What time is it?"

"About one thirty in the morning." Was the response.

"Shit, you were out so late."

"Well, it was a long movie. Then we grabbed something to eat really fast. Just like I told you." Phil dropped his phone onto the table, removing his jacket.

"Still," Dan muttered. He was tired, and his mind was muggy. He knew somewhere in there that he shouldn't do this, but all he could feel right then was anger and irritation. "You should've tried to wrap it up sooner. You actually have things to do rather than lollygag around with some chick, y'know? You have a job, things you have to do here. You don't have time to be going on stupid play dates in the middle of the week."

Phil was shocked by the sudden change in Dan's attitude, turning to look at him. He had his hands clenched into fists, and his brows were furrowed together. "You're really mad at me for going on a date?" Phil felt his own anger mix inside of him, "Last time I checked, I was adult who was allowed to do things he pleases. Everything I needed to do for my job has been done, thank you. How about you? Still editing that video you told people would be out soon about two weeks ago?" He stepped a bit closer to the brunette, who began to sink back into the sofa, looking a bit worried. "Also, Caitlyn is not just some chick."

They stared at each other, Dan not being able to hold the gaze any longer as he turned his head. "Sorry," He whispered bitterly, standing from his spot on the sofa and shoving past Phil up to his bedroom. The sound of a bedroom door slamming ricocheted off the walls, ringing in Phil's ears.

"What was that all about..?"

\--

After their argument, Dan and Phil found themselves avoiding each other. They hardly spoke to each other, unless they absolutely had to, and Dan was always locked away in his bedroom or out somewhere. Phil continued to go out on little outings and dates with Caitlyn, coming home to a glare from his flatmate before the boy retreated back to his room.

Phil was equally irritated and upset. He missed his best friend, and after nearly two weeks of dancing around each other, he decided he needed to do something. He made his way to Dan's bedroom, gently rapping his knuckles against the door, "Dan?" There was no response and Phil held back a sigh. "Dan, please. We should talk."

He heard a groan and some shuffling before the door opened a bit, "What?"

"I'm sorry- for yelling at you. It was really out of line. I'm sure you were just worried about me- I'd be worried about you, too."

Dan's gaze softened and he opened his door more, looking down at his sock clad feet, "No...it- it's okay. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you. At all. You did tell me you were going out...and it's none of my business when you come back, or anything. So, I'm sorry, too." He looked back up to see a smiling Phil. He grinned back a tiny bit.

"Well, I'm relieved now."

"Me too."

"Anyways, I have no plans tonight. Wanna play a game or something?" Phil jerked his thumb in the general direction of the lounge, and Dan's smile widened.

"Sure. You want to turn it into something interesting?" Dan asked as they begin to make their way into the lounge. He started to set up the consoles as Phil thumbed through some games.

"And by that, you mean?"

"Drinking game!" Dan cheered causing Phil to utter an 'oh no'. It only took a little begging and persuading for him to cave in and his friend danced into the kitchen to retrieve the alcohol. He returned, immediately pouring a drink.

"So, what are the rules of this game?" Phil asked as he took a seat on the sofa, watching as Dan flopped next to him with a drink in his hand. It was a wonder he didn't spill it.

"No rules. I just wanted to drink."

Phil clicked his tongue as Dan handed over a drink to him, "Classy."

Dan smirked, "Shut up and start the game."

\--

The two lost track of time and as their gaming progressed, so did their drinking. By this point, they were quite smashed, the TV blurring and their scores dropping. "Fuck!" Dan yelled in frustration, letting his controller drop to the floor. "This is too hard, I can't- I can't concentrate." He slurred.

"Me either," Phil said, rubbing his head. "Wanna stop?" As Dan nodded, he turned the game off, switching it back over to regular television. He checked the time. "It's one in the morning. You tired?"

Dan shook his head, "No. Not really. Wanna talk?" He asked, leaning into the cushions behind him.

"Sure," Phil giggled.

It was a big mistake to suggest that.

They drunkenly spewed about topic after topic and it had all started innocent, until Dan brought up something he didn't really wanna hear about, but he knew it'd keep Phil from sleeping just yet, "Um, how...are you and Caitlyn, then?"

Phil hummed, "Good. She's still amazing, we still have fun. But I'm a bit frustrated."

Dan had began to down another glass of whatever they were drinking, only to stop at his friend's last confession, "And why is that?" He asked slowly, going back to sipping at his drink.

"We haven't had sex."

Dan coughed, choking on his drink and nearly spilling it on himself. He whined at the burning in his throat and nose, fanning his face. "Oh my god, are you okay?" Phil asked, patting his back and using the sleeves of his hoodie to wipe the dribble of alcohol from his friend's chin.

"Yeah," Dan breathed, "I just- wow, okay. I wasn't expecting that. You're a little more open when you're drunk, huh?"

Phil shrugged, "Maybe, but you're also my best friend. I figured I could tell you." Dan nodded, and he decided to continue. "I'm not a prude, I'm not going to ask her for anything sexual. It has only been a month. And, um, two weeks or something. But I dunno, it's hard to have a pretty girlfriend and not have that-um, urge."

"Well,  _fuck_ ," Dan racked his brain, trying to find a response in his drunk state. "Use your hand?"

"I have," Dan swallowed hard at the confession, "But it's just not doing anything for me anymore. I can't...get off."

Phil looked down at his lap, a blush rising on his face. Dan stared at him, going over his thoughts over and over again. He was trying to form some kind of response that would make his friend feel better. Despite all his thinking and analyzing in his mind, what he said next came out without a thought, and he nearly screamed after he said it. "Let me help you then."

He froze, reaching up to gently lay his hand on his mouth, wide eyes looking down as Phil's disbelieving stare looked up. A silence stretched out between them for what felt like forever, and Dan found himself wanting to cry. He felt like an absolute idiot. He had just offered to get his taken best friend off. What the fuck? " _What_?" His head snapped up as Phil finally spoke, and he sputtered, stumbling over his words.

"I-I, well- I didn't, I just wanted- I'm sorry." He got up and turned to leave only to stop abruptly as his wrist was grabbed.

"No  _wait_." Phil paused for a minute and Dan turned to look at him. He seemed to be trying hard to think of something. Then, he locked his gaze with Dan's, mumbling, "Will you really...help me?"

Dan felt his mouth go dry and his palms began to sweat. His entire body went cold and an anxious feeling bubbled up in his stomach. Would he? Or did he just say that because he was drunk out of his mind. He shook his head internally. No, he said it because he meant it. He wanted to help his best friend, but also because he'd be lying if he said he didn't find the thought of getting Phil off extremely hot. Well, he'd be lying if he said he didn't find Phil hot alone. He felt the grip on his wrist loosen and he decided then and there what to say next.

"Y-Yes. I-er, yeah, I'll help." He moved, turning the lights off and slowly sitting back down on the sofa as Phil scooted to make room for him again. He brought his legs up to sit cross legged, Phil mirroring his actions so that they were once again looking right at each other. The only light source was coming from their flickering TV now, and he was glad Phil couldn't see his red face. "S-So, I guess, I just..." He held up a shaking hand, moving it down and pressing his palm to his best friend's crotch. He heard Phil let out a tiny gasp, urging him to go on. Dan refused to look up at his friend as he began to move his hand a bit, rubbing over a growing bulge in Phil's jeans. Phil sighed and let out small noises of pleasure, making Dan feel a bit more confident as he rubbed harder.

Once he was sure Phil was completely hard, he swallowed a lump in his throat. He was still until he felt the other's hand take his wrist again. He pulled Dan's hand away, undoing his belt and the button on his jeans, sliding the zipper down. He let go of Dan's hand, standing up to wiggle out of the skinny jeans, letting them drop to the floor. He stepped out of them, sitting back down, now only his pants. Dan's eyes immediately fell to bulge between Phil's leg. It was big. Really big. Suddenly, his wrist was taken again and laid back onto his friend's erection. He glanced up for a moment, feeling the air leave his lungs. Phil's eyes were dark, clouded with lust and glazed over with arousal. His head snapped back down, a blush spreading up to his ears. He ran his hand over Phil's dick through his underwear, watching as his flatmate's stomach jerked at the contact.

"I want," Dan mumbled, voice cracking, "I want to- can I touch you? Under...this." He looked up again, and Phil breathes heavily, nodding slowly and Dan licked his lips. He brought both his hands up to the waistband of Phil's pants, pulling down slowly and watching as his cock sprang forward. His breath hitched, and he spoke without thinking. "Fuck. You're  _huge_."

Phil chuckled, "Well, thanks." Dan wrapped his hands around his friend's dick, stroking him once slowly. Phil breathed out a small moan and he took that a cue to go on. "Sorry, this is gross, but it'll make this easier," Dan whispered before spitting into his hand, reaching back out to grip Phil's cock. He stroked slowly up and down, still nervous about the whole thing. _Holy fucking shit, my hand is actually on Phil's dick._ Phil's head dropped, and he buried his nose into Dan's hair. "More," He whispered and Dan's hand began to move faster. He ran his thumb over the tip, causing Phil to jerk and let out a surprised gasp. Dan's hand moved fluidly over his friend's cock, and Phil continued to moan things into his hair. "You're so good," He muttered, and Dan's heart fluttered. He swiped over the tip again and pressed his thumb into the slit, smearing precum as he began to jerk his hand again. "Fuck,  _fuck_ \- Dan."

Dan's jeans tightened as his name was moaned and it made him want please Phil all the more. He continued to rub and stroke and flick his thumb across the tip of Phil's dick. He staggered as his friend leaned up, scooting a bit closer, head dropping into the crook of Dan's shoulder. "Such a good boy, doing such a good job," He muttered, mouth latching onto Dan's neck. Dan moaned quietly, surprised and even more aroused. His hand had stopped, but quickly resumed as he felt Phil thrust upwards. Phil bit and sucked and licked at his friend's neck, saying sweet nothings of praise against his skin, causing Dan to whimper and his hand to stutter.

"Dan, shit," Phil moaned into his neck, breathing fanning across the abused skin, "I'm so close." Dan squeezed his cock gently, hand beginning to move faster as his other hand reached down to cup Phil's balls. He felt his friend's hips jerk at the new touch, and Phil let out a loud, guttural moan before cumming over Dan's hand. He sunk his teeth into the juncture of Dan's neck and shoulder, making the boy whimper as he sucked a hickey onto his skin. Dan removed his hand, wiping it on his jeans without thinking, before he reached up to tangle his fingers in Phil's hair.

Phil pulled back, licking the newly forming bruise. " _Mine_ ," He said without second thought, causing a shudder to run up and down Dan's spine. He placed a hand on the brunette's chest, pushing him down so that he was lying on the sofa. He tucked himself back into his pants, moving to hover over Dan. Their eyes bored into each other for a moment before Phil dived down, locking their lips together. Dan's fingers combed into black locks again, his eyes fluttering closed as they kissed. There was nothing sloppy or messy about it, just a gentle moving of lips against lips. It was almost romantic. Phil pulled back, pressing his forehead to Dan's. "Thanks. Want me to me to help you, too?" He asked, fingers dancing over the bulge in Dan's jeans. The boy gasped, hips rocking upwards.

Despite how much he wanted to, Dan's mind was beginning to sober up and he felt guilty. He had jerked his flatmate off and then kissed him, even though he was dating someone.  _Fuck_. "No, it's fine." He smiled, and Phil mumbled ' _if you say s_ o' before he was once again on Dan's lips. They kissed slowly, neither of them sure exactly  _why_  they were kissing. It just felt right.

"Thanks again. I'm going to sleep now." Dan nodded as Phil got off of him, gathering his jeans before heading up to his room. Dan sat up, listening as the bedroom door closed. "Fuck!" He nearly screamed in anger, feeling tears brim in his eyes. He knew from the beginning something was up with his emotions. But with the introduction of this Caitlyn girl and now the fact that he'd given his best friend a hand job, he had to actually face them.

Dan wiped his eyes furiously.

"Fuck, I really like him."


	2. meetings & agreements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i had two chapters worth of content fight me

The next morning, when Phil came trudging into the lounge lazily, he didn't say a word about what happened last night. Dan wasn't sure if he wanted him to or not. The older boy yawned, sitting next to Dan and glancing up at whatever was on the TV. It was quiet, aside from the television, for only a moment as Dan decided to break it. "You slept in today, yeah?"

 

Phil nodded slowly, "I had a hangover and I stayed up way too late. How are you up?"

"My head didn't bother me that bad and I dunno, just got up, I guess." He was lying. He was only up because he had trouble sleeping in general. And his head was pounding after the few hours of sleep he managed, but he'd long since taken a painkiller. "If your head hurts, we have meds." He said, pointing towards the pill bottle on the table.

"Oh, thank god." Phil muttered, standing up and leaving to get some water. When he returned, he swallowed two of the painkillers, returning to his spot on the sofa. He finally, properly, looked at Dan and his eyes fell onto the few love bites on his neck. He felt a bit proud and ashamed. The memory of biting down before calling Dan his replayed in his mind and he swallowed hard, "Um, I'm going to see Caitlyn again today," Yes Phil, bring up your girlfriend after getting stirred up in the morning at the thought of marking your best friend, "Except, this time she wanted to come by the flat and meet you."

Dan stiffened very visibly. "Does she?" He asked, laughing a bit forcibly. "But why?"

"Well, duh, you're my best friend and flatmate. I've been dating her for over a month and she hasn't met, like, the most important person in my life yet!"

Dan's heart skipped a beat and he put his chin in his palm, looking away, "Whatever. What time?"

Phil raised a brow at his friend's pouty behavior, "About seven. We were planning on spending the day together first...which reminds me, I should get ready now." He stands up, stretching his limbs a bit as he heads up to his room.

"I'll make sure to have the flat cleaned before you love birds return," He said with malice in his tone, listening to the small noises of Phil as he got ready.

\--

"I'm just so afraid he won't like me at all!"

"There no reason to worry, trust me! He isn't like that."

"If you say so..." A short girl pouted, giggling as her boyfriend pulled her into his embrace and kissed her head. Phil, said boyfriend, opened the door to his flat, letting Caitlyn inside first before trailing behind her. They made their way into the lounge, and Caitlyn made a noise of approval. "This place is so clean and neat. It also has a nerdy touch. It's very you."

Phil shrugs, his cheeks turning pink, causing the girl to giggle. Both their heads turned as they heard someone else enter the room, and Caitlyn found herself grinning big as an anxious feeling settled into her stomach. Phil, however, was biting his lip. He wasn't anxious in a good way like his girlfriend.

"I'm guessing you're Dan, then?" She asked, walking towards the other boy. Da nodded slowly, not expecting to see Caitlyn when he walked into his lounge. She was short compared to him, which wasn't saying much, and she had blonde curls that stopped just below her chin. Her eyes were a dull color, almost gray, and she had a very natural face of makeup. Pretty, was all Dan thought.

"Yeah, and I'm guessing you're Caitlyn." Dan forced a smile and the girl nodded. She held out her hand, prompting a handshake. Dan took the petite hand in his, shaking gently before letting go quickly.

_That hand was on your boyfriend's dick last night, by the way._

He suppressed a smirk at the thought. "Well, if that's all, then I'm gonna just...watch some TV now." He walked past them, taking a seat on the sofa and flipping the television on. He pulled his laptop into his lap, opening it and drumming his fingers on it as it started up.

"Okay...well, let me show you my room, then." Phil muttered, leading the way for Caitlyn, leaving Dan alone again.

When he was sure they were gone, his face melted into an angry glare. "What's so special about her?" He thought out loud, "She's so boringly generic and her personality is sickly sweet." Dan knew he was speaking through jealousy, and that the logical side of his brain recognized that she was pretty and had a lovely personality. However, he was bitter, and he wanted to keep being bitter.

When his laptop started up, he immediately went and began to scroll through tumblr. He was trying to get his mind off Phil and his stupid girlfriend and the fact that they'd been in his room, alone, for awhile now, and fuck. He couldn't be angry about it, they were a couple who were allowed to do couple things.

"Ouch," He jerked his hand when a sharp pain ran up his arm, bringing his palm into view. "What the fuck." He saw little red crescent shapes, one of them bleeding, from where he was clenching his fist. He sighed, trudging into the kitchen where he washed his hand off and dried it. He went to the bathroom, finding a simple plaster and putting it over the small injury before heading back up to the lounge. Once again, he found Caitlyn there. Except this time, she was gently holding Phil's face as he gave her a kiss. It made his stomach flip.

"Oh!" She squeaked when she turned around. "I'm sorry, Dan. I was just leaving." She giggled, embarrassed, before making her way around the seemingly frozen boy. "Bye, love! See you later!" She called to Phil before disappearing.

"Well," Dan said after finding his voice again, "She was just sugary sweet."

Phil's brows furrowed in annoyance at Dan's sarcastic tone. He followed him to the sofa, where they both sat silently. "Listen," Phil spoke up. Dan noticed the tone. It was the same nervous tone he had when he'd first mentioned Caitlyn. He closed his eyes and braced himself for whatever Phil was about to say. "This may be a weird time to bring this up, but about last night..."

Dan's eyes snapped open.

"It was really wrong, but also kind of really amazing. And...well, I'm still thankful about it. So, um, I was kinda wondering if we could make it a...thing? Caitlyn just wants to take everything really slow. We were, um, kissing in my room and she told me. I respect that but I get, you know, needs. A no strings attached, just best friends, er, helping each other kind of situation."

Dan's heart was thrumming in his chest and it felt like it would pop out any moment. His blood was rushing in his ears, making it harder to hear, but he managed, "You...you want to be friends with benefits?" He asked, his voice an octave higher than usual.

"That's what it's called!" Phil exclaimed, nodding. "Yeah. I wanna be friends with benefits–for now–if that's okay with you."

Dan knew he'd regret this. He just knew it. But he had fucking feelings for the idiot across from him, so he pushed away the logical thoughts and whispered, "It's okay with me."

\--

"Fuck, Dan—"

Dan looked up at Phil through his eyelashes, moaning softly as his friend's fingers tangled in his hair and tugged gently. Dan pulled off the cock that was in his mouth, tongue darting out to run over his lips before he spoke. "Maybe this is a weird time to ask, but what happened to put you in a mood tonight?" He asked before running his tongue along the underside of Phil's dick, causing him to rut forward.

"Nothing in pa- _ah_ -rticular," His knuckles turned white from gripping the brunette's hair, causing Dan to hiss in pain. "Just generally frustrated. Couldn't ask Caitlyn."

"I see." Was all he replied with before moving to take Phil's entire length in his mouth again, hollowing his cheeks, tongue swirling around it. Phil rested his elbows against the kitchen counter, head lolling backwards, a groan rumbling in his throat.

This was their first encounter since they made the deal to be friends with benefits, a week ago, and Dan had already found plenty of confidence to do this with his best friend. He pulled back, sucking gently on the tip before pulling off completely to kiss it. Phil moved to look down at Dan as his hand worked on his cock in replacement of his mouth. "Sorry, my jaw hurts." Dan muttered causing Phil to laugh through a moan. Dan giggled a bit quietly himself before returning his mouth to his friend's cock, bobbing his head back and forth slowly, his hand stroking the parts his mouth weren't currently reaching.

"Nngh– _Dan_ , you're so _fucking_ good at this—" Phil sighed, head tipping back again. The other grinned at the praise, sinking down so that his nose brushed into Phil's happy trail and he hummed, sending vibrations down his dick. He nearly choked as Phil thrusted forward. He pulled off, taking a deep breath. Okay, that was sorta hot.

"Phil," He said, wiping his mouth a bit. When Phil's gaze was on him, he smugly grinned. "Fuck my mouth." He moaned, scooting forward on his knees. Phil's eyes widened a bit, a groan tumbling from his mouth.

"Shit," He reached down, grabbing onto Dan's hair again and pulling him forward. Once he had Dan's mouth on his cock again, he started thrusting slowly, transfixed by the swollen and pink lips stretched around his dick. He moaned loudly, quickening his pace. Dan's hands found Phil's hips, just needing something to hold onto as he continued to hum around his friend, drool dribbling from the corner of his mouth. There were tears in his eyes as Phil began to thrust deeper, faster, animalistic moans and groans coming from above.

The thrust suddenly became uneven, Phil's hips stuttering before he spilled into Dan's mouth. He felt his knees go weak, and he let go of Dan's hair, letting all his weight fall against the counter. "Mm," Dan moaned quietly, swallowing the cum in his mouth before shakily standing, feeling a slight pain in his knees and scalp. He waited until Phil regained his composure, tugging his pants and jeans back up, before he stopped forward.

He pressed himself into his friend, putting their foreheads together. Their eyes bore into each other's for a moment before Phil took the hint and leaned forward into a kiss. Dan's mouth opened slowly as Phil's tongue swiped over his lip, sighing through his nose as their tongues twined. They kissed slowly, arms around each other and the only light coming from the street lights outside their window. Dan pulled back, "You taste sweet."

Phil chuckled, leaning forward, causing Dan to shuffle away from him, "Thanks." He stretched, shirt sliding up and down as he moved, "It's already midnight, fuck. I'm gonna head to bed now. Night!" Phil smiled, waving to his flatmate as head retreated to his room. Dan was disappointed that they didn't get to kiss more, he was disappointed that Phil didn't get him off, and most of all, he was disappointed he didn't get to curl up in the bed with him.

Dan made his way to his room, rubbing his erection away as quietly as possible before changing into his pajamas and crawling under his covers. He stared into the darkness of his room, running his fingers over his aching jaw.

 **  
** He wasn't sure how to feel about this agreement, but he'd keep going along with it.


	3. lies & secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bullshit idk filler chapter i hate it

The more Dan got to know Caitlyn, the more he liked her. She was sweet and overly caring. She was gentle, purely genuine, and most of all, harbored no jealousy at all. It didn't bother her a bit that Phil was so close to Dan. She just commented dazedly about how she wished she had a friendship like that.

"What about other girls, though? Do you get jealous of him being around flirty ones who...stare too long or like, linger when they touch him?" Dan asked one day when him and Caitlyn were lounging at her flat. Phil had no idea this friendship had blossomed between them, and was at their flat, editing videos, probably wondering where Dan had actually wandered off to.

"Sort of. Same goes for boys, too," She said quietly. Caitlyn was fully aware of Phil's bisexuality, but felt no disgust whatsoever. It had made Phil giddy when he came out to her and she accepted him. "But I trust you, Dan. You're such a lovely boy."

Dan's stomach turned. She trusted him and he was going behind her back, getting her boyfriend off on a daily basis.

The agreement hadn't advanced much in the past two weeks. It continued to be messy handjobs or impromptu blowjobs. They always ended in a content Phil and a extremely hard, unsatisfied Dan. He _thought_ this friends with benefits thing meant they both got each other off, but not once since their first encounter had Phil offered to return the favor. It was pissing Dan off. He knew he was being used as some kind of human sex toy, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything to Phil. To ask him to get him off or tell him he couldn't do this anymore. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the mug in his hand, and Caitlyn's voice brought him back to reality.

"Dan, love, are you ok?"

Dan snapped his eyes up from the liquid swirling about in his cup to catch Caitlyn's worried gaze. "Uh, yeah, I'm, um, fine." He knew that she wasn't going to believe him, not after he stuttered over a simple answer. He bit his lip at her knowing stare.

"C'mon, now. There's no need to hide it from me, I'll help you all I can."

_Except there is a reason to hide it from you because it involves your boyfriend cheating on you with me_ , Dan thought. "Um," He coughed, trying to form some kind of bullshit excuse in his mind. He jumped, nearly smacking Caitlyn as he felt her soft, delicate fingers brush over his neck. "W-What—"

"Dan, are you seeing someone?"

_What the fuck._

For a moment, Dan's heart began to thud. He thought she was coming onto him, leaning close, hands gently dancing over his neck and collar bones. Then she clicked her tongue, "Haven't you looked in a mirror? You forgot to cover this crazy amount of hickeys, my dear." She smirked, covering her mouth as she sniggered. Dan's face turned scarlet and he looked down.

Okay, so there was no use in completely lying. "Y-Yeah..." He muttered, voice wavering. "I am. Sort of. But they—uh, but he's sort of...."

Caitlyn cut him off with a gasp. "Dan are you being abused? You need to tell me now. I will kick his ass—"

"Cait! No!" Dan rushed into an explanation, trying to calm her nerves. "He just makes me do all the, uh, work and I never get anything in return!" His face was absolutely burning and he looked down into his mug again.

"So..." She looked to the side, "I'm guessing you don't mean house work...and you mean a little more...um, _bedroom work_."

Dan only nodded.

Caitlyn giggled a bit, bringing the lip of her mug up to her mouth and sipping at the hot liquid it contained. “Well,” She sighs, “I think you should talk to him about it? It’s quite unfair for you to be, um, used like that.”

“I suppose...I didn’t want to say anything though because I just...didn’t want to be troublesome.”

“You’re not troublesome for wanting your relationship to go both ways! I would be quite disappointed if Phil was using me in any way, shape, or form.”

The color drained from Dan’s face and he looked down, fingers working at a loose string on his jumper.

Caitlyn continued, not noticing his expression. “If you truly think that your boyfriend would find it annoying that you wanted him to, erm, return the pleasure then maybe he’s not so great of a boyfriend, yeah?”

“Um, yeah. I’ll talk to him about it, okay? I think I should...go home. Phil is probably worried about me.” His voice was shaking and so were his hands as he handed the mug over to the girl. “Thank you for hanging out with me and talking to me today. I always enjoy your presence.”

Caitlyn raised a brow at his sudden drop in mood and his scared composure, but brushed it off quickly, assuming it was because of his “boyfriend troubles” being brought up. She set the mugs down on the coffee table, “Of course, Dan. I always enjoy having you around. Come back and see me soon, okay?” She stood up and rounded the tall boy into her arms, tugging him down to press a kiss to his cheek. She smiled, patting his shoulder. “Text me tonight and tell me how things Not in too much detail, though.” She winked.

Dan’s blushed up to his ears, and whispered, “Thank you.”

He jogged down the steps of her complex after saying another goodbye, and began making his way towards his shared flat once again. Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking his many notifications. _Three new messages from Phil?_

**Phil Lester** \- _3:37 p.m._

    _Dan you left an hour ago._

**Phil Lester** \- _4:06 p.m._

    _Dan seriously! Where are you??_

__

**Phil Lester** \- _4:43 p.m._

   _Dan pls. Im worried. :(_

Dan bit his lip. He felt bad for not paying attention to his messages, but he was quite caught up in Caitlyn’s many stories about the puppies she worked with at the shelter last weekend… He pocketed his phone, deciding he’d just explain to Phil about his blossoming friendship with Caitlyn when he got home.

After a stop at the shop to gather a few necessary items needed at their flat, he found himself struggling to unlock the door. Once he was inside, he made his way into the kitchen, beginning to put things in their necessary spots.

“Dan?” He turned to look at the entryway where his flatmate soon appeared, looking flustered. “Oh my god, Dan! I was starting to seriously get worried!” He breathed.

“Oh, um, sorry.” He laughed drly, “I was hanging out with a friend.”

Phil pouted, his brows furrowing.

“Who?”

“Um...Caitlyn.”

Silence followed the answer.

“My girlfriend?”

Dan’s eye twitched, “Yes. Your girlfriend."

Phil was quiet again, and Dan couldn't read his emotion, "Why?"

"Because she's nice and cool. We get along nicely. She's become a friend of mine, is that okay with you?" Dan asked bitterly.

"What? Of course—I mean, you don't need my permission to be someone's friend anyways...it's just...you seemed to dislike her so I..."

"Oh no. Sorry that I don't hate your girlfriend and you can't have your two little pets separate from each other and all to yourself." Dan snapped, slamming the milk he'd purchased onto the counter. Phil jumped, looking taken aback.

"Pets? What does that mean?"

"Caitlyn is for your affections. Your needy little self wanting to have fun and go on dates and kiss and hug and cuddle someone. I'm for your stupid sexual desires. You use me to get you off like a toy and then leave once you're done. I thought this stupid friends with benefits things was a two way sort of deal! If I knew I was gonna be jerking and sucking you off all the time for no sort of payback, I would have told you no and let you suffer from fucking blue balls!" Dan breathed in sharply, having lost his breath a bit in his rant that slowly raised in octave until he was yelling. He hoped the neighbors didn't understand his words.

"Dan, I- fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that. You're not a toy, you're my best friend and- and I really-"

"Appreciate what I'm doing? I know." He put the milk into the fridge after checking that he hadn't ruined the container in any way, and then retreated into the flat, Phil following close behind him.

He dropped onto the sofa, eyes following Phil as he sat next to him.

"Let me make up for it."

"Not right now. I kind of just wanna be left alone, okay?" Dan crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at his lap. He heard Phil let out a quiet sigh before he stood up.

"Alright, I understand. I'm sorry I made you feel that way," He muttered, "But next time, I swear...I'll fix it." When Dan didn't respond, Phil trudged off to his room guiltily, leaving his friend to sulk.

\--

The next time Dan saw Caitlyn, she had come over to his and Phil’s flat for a game night and the promise of junk food. As soon as she was alone with Dan, though, she began prying with a smirk.

“So...did you two talk?”

**  
  
**

Dan coughed a bit embarrassedly, “Um, yeah. We did.”

“And, and? Did it go over well? Did you get laid?” She pushed, voice to bubbly and excited for the topic at hand.

Dan spluttered, “Caitlyn! _Come on_.” He glanced around, as if checking for anyone secretly listening in, before he leaned closer to her, “No. But that’s because I asked him to leave me be for the time.”

“Ohh..” The blonde pouted, patting Dan on the cheek. “I hope you resolve it completely real soon, then, hon.”

“Resolve what?” Phil’s voice cut in as he entered the room, sitting himself between Dan and Caitlyn as they parted to their respective sides of the sofa again.

“Nothing-” Dan tried before Caitlyn was speaking over him.

“Dan’s having boyfriend trouble.” She said in a teasing voice, reaching over Phil to pat the brunette on the thigh.

Dan’s cheeks went red and he froze as Phil turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow, “ _Boyfriend_? Since when do you have a boyfriend?”

Caitlyn’s eyes went wide and she placed both her hands over her mouth, giving Dan an apologetic look so genuine that he forgave her in that moment. “Um...since...a while.” He lied causing an angry look to flash over his friend’s face. It made a furious emotion of his own stir inside of him, wondering why Phil had a reason to be mad at him for dating someone when he had a girlfriend _. That he was cheating on_ , nonetheless.

“Why do you care? Let’s just get back to our game, okay?” He reached to get the controllers from the floor, handing them back to their owners as he started the game again. There was an obvious tension in the air as they played through the levels of their game silently, and after another hour of the thick silence, Caitlyn broke it with the clearing of her throat.

“Well,” She said as the level came to an end, “It’s really late. I should get going. I’ll stop by tomorrow, though, okay?” She smiled softly, standing and leaving a chaste kiss on Phil’s lips before moving over to gently hug Dan.

When she was gone, Phil’s glare returned and it was immediately placed upon Dan.

“ _What?_ ” He snapped.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were with somebody? I mean, I kind of thought we sh-”

  
“ _For fuck’s sake_! You’re the person I’m seeing, you idiot!” Phil went quiet, “She saw the stupid marks you left on me and started asking me questions, so I lied and said I had a boyfriend.” _You know, so your girlfriend wouldn’t know you were cheating on her with your best mate_ , He added mentally. “So, chill out, I haven’t been secretly dating someone. Okay?”

Phil nodded, face pink with shame, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten worked up, anyway.”

Dan smiled sheepishly, “Um, it’s okay. I can see why you’d be a little miffed.” He glanced down at the controller in his hand, moving to wave it around a bit, “So, do you wanna continue this, or what?”

Phil’s expression changed almost instantly, a smug grin on his face, “You’re on.”

Dan laughed, feeling happier than he had been as the game started.

 **  
**Unknown to him, things were only about to go downhill from this moment of bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dramaamamama


	4. heart beats & heart strings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COUGHS  
> uploading this a day late.  
> also it's a bit short. I'm so sorry.  
> but it's smutty! but it's bad smut because it's the first time I've ever written the entire...shenanigan  
> also I love your comments! you all make me so heart eyes !

Dan's heart nearly leapt out of his chest as he was jerked awake by the sound of a door slamming. He sat up slowly, whispered voices floating up and into his ears. He didn't know what was being said or by whom and anxiety began to grate at his nerves. He quietly slid out of bed. He didn't recall Phil telling him that he had plans with Caitlyn and he remembered telling his flatmate—who was sunk into the sofa on his laptop—goodnight before falling asleep earlier than usual. 

_So, who the hell was in his flat?_

The brunette stood there for a few moments, hearing more muffled words and bumps that seemed to get closer. He decided he should probably check it out. Dan grabbed a particularly heavy binder, full of papers covered in things varying from video ideas to important work documents from the BBC, before leaving his room. He'd need something to hit the intruder with, right? Phil's door was closed and there was no evidence of light coming from it and Dan's fear muddled mind made him forget to even try to alert Phil of the evident break in. 

The house was dark and it was making his body shake in fear, but Dan kept himself from turning any light on in order to save himself from the axe murderer that was _obviously_ in their house. He crept quietly down his halls, peering into the lounge only to find a bit of a mess left by Phil. He clicked his tongue, only to cover his mouth with the binder. 

_Be quiet._

He moved around the corner and fully into the lounge and with one glance around, he deemed it safe. He went to move onto the next room when he heard a loud thump. Suddenly, he felt extremely vulnerable. Dan dropped the binder, nearly falling onto his face as he rushed down the hall to Phil's room.

"Phil!" He nearly screamed as he flung the bedroom's door open. With his nerves on end, the very high pitched—and female—yelp he received in reply made him toss the binder towards the bed. It hit someone with a very painful thud and that's when Dan's heart calmed enough that he could focus on the scene in front of him.

Surrounded by scattered papers, Phil was lying on his bed shirtless with Caitlyn straddling his hips, her arms crossed over her equally bare chest. Dan's stomach dropped and he started to stutter out an apology with a red face before quickly leaving the room. He immediately relocated himself to his own bedroom where he flopped onto the bed. He glanced at the time. _2:43 a.m._

He guessed that all the sounds he heard was the couple stumbling about. Dan tossed his duvet over his head, face buried into the pillow, trying to wipe the image out of his head. His heart returned to a normal pace and his nerves calmed, he felt exhaustion once again wash over him, the sounds of Caitlyn and Phil’s voices tuning out slowly.

\--

Dan knew he couldn’t have been asleep longer than ten minutes before he came to with someone shaking him. He opened his eyes, blearily looking around. As things came into focus, he uncovered his head, sighing as cool air hit him. Over him stood a slightly annoyed looking Phil.

Dan was a bit taken aback as he sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes, “Phil? Where’s...Caitlyn?” The short lived bliss of forgetting what he saw shattered and when he blinked he saw the girl perched atop his best friend all over again. 

“She left,” He grumbles, “After you passed out at _nine_ , I got bored. So, I invited her over. We ended up drinking,” Dan was tempted to say that he knew because the strong smell of alcohol on Phil’s breath was fanning over his face, but he decided being quiet was a better idea right now. “And things escalated. When you barged in, though, she said that she was too drunk to be making decisions like that and left.”

“Oh,” Dan looked away. “So, what? You’re mad that I interrupted you getting some? Better than her waking up and regretting it, you know.”

“It’s fine,” Phil breathed, pulling the blankets away from Dan. He ran his hand over the brunette’s chest, sliding it down his arm and taking his wrist, pinning it above his head. He repeated the action on the other arm and Dan swallowed hard. “I’m glad she decided not to do something she regretted, I should be thanking you really.” Phil leaned in and brushed his lips over Dan’s exposed collar making him gasp, “But I’ll thank you after you’ve gotten rid of the painful hard on you’ve managed to indirectly leave me with.”

Dan’s eyes dim with sudden lust and he suddenly forgets about Caitlyn and the earlier image in his brain, trying his best to remember the way Phil looks above him, messy hair, blues eyes glazed over, and lips red from kissing. Dan grimaced at the fact that it wasn't him that kissed Phil to that state, but he'd, at least, gladly pick up where she left off.

"Kiss me," He muttered, prompting Phil to lean down so he could press their lips together. He flexed his fingers a bit, the feeling in them slowly going away with his best friend's tight grip around his wrists. He wasn't complaining, however. He tilted his head, lips parting to allow Phil's tongue to twine with his, licking over the roof of his mouth. 

Dan moaned and Phil swallowed down the sound, pulling away and swiping his thumb across the brunette's bottom lip. Dan's hands flexed again. "What do you want me to do?" He whispered.

Phil stared at him for a moment before releasing his hands. Dan's heart stuttered. He was almost afraid that Phil was going to walk away and leave him—but then he leaned down, pressing another, slower kiss to Dan's lips. "Just stay put." Was the reply before he was out of the room.

Dan raised a brow, sitting up and staring at his ajar door. In seconds, Phil was back, a bottle in his hand. 

_Oh._

Dan licked his lips, "Is that new?" He asked, eyeing the bottle of lube as the other tossed it onto his duvet. Phil nodded, pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it onto the floor unceremoniously. He set himself back on the bed, putting the lube to the side. His fingers trailed to the hem of Dan's shirt, tugging at it. The younger took the hint and lifted his arms, allowing the shirt to slide off of him and somewhere into the mess of sheets. 

Pressing a hand to the middle of his chest, Phil pushed the boy back down, throwing a leg over his waist to straddle him. Dan's breath hitched as he felt the straining bulge in Phil's jeans press against the thin material of the boxers he wore to bed, making his own cock twitch to life. 

Phil leaned down, brushing his lips over Dan's neck, kissing up and down the expanse of it. Dan tilted his head back with a whine, allowing more access to his overly sensitive flesh. His back arched slightly as Phil bit down, sucking a mark over the fading ones he'd left before. Dan reached up, threading his fingers through dark hair and Phil kissed down, over his chest and across his stomach.

"You're beautiful, honestly," Phil whispered, placing a kiss to his hip where his boxers had slid down slightly. Dan only shuddered in response. 

Phil hooked his thumbs under Dan's waistband, slowly inching his boxers down and over his legs. Once they were tossed into the slowly forming pile of clothes, he pushed the boy's legs apart, gently laying gentle kisses up and down his thighs. Dan sighed, bringing one hand up to his mouth, softly biting down on his thumb. He bit down harder as Phil's hand wrapped around his half-hard cock, slowly pumping it to complete hardness.

Phil removed his hand, leaving Dan's erection heavy against his stomach. The brunette blinked his eyes open, having closed them at some point during the short handjob, and looked down at Phil's hands as he worked on the button and zipper of his jeans. He pushed his jeans down his hips just enough to pull his cock from the confines of denim, stroking it a few times with a sigh. Dan bit his lip, his gaze drifting up to Phil's face, only to jump when he saw blue eyes staring back at him.

His face turned red and he looked to the side. 

He jumped a bit as a finger found its way under his chin, and tilted his head back so he was once again facing Phil, who was much closer now. They met each other halfway, lips melding together in a slow, almost loving kiss. _Almost_ , Dan told himself.

Phil lowered his hips, and moaned as his dick met Dan's. He grinned as he felt the younger boy shiver and took both of them into his hand, stroking them together with labored breathing. He felt his cock throb as Dan whined, moaned, and sighed, louder with every stroke. His voice was intoxicating and extremely erotic, and Phil moved his hand faster, thumb swiping over the tip, just to squeeze more sounds out of him. 

Dan was near shaking when Phil removed his hand, patting through the sheets and comforter until there was an audible 'smack' when his hand met plastic. He picked up the lube bottle, ripping the plastic off the top and tossing it to the side to be cleaned later before he popped the cap open. Dan swallowed, putting his hands on the back of his thighs and pulling his legs up to his chest the best he could, making access easier for his friend. 

Phil watched Dan pull his legs up, momentarily shocked by his knowledge on what to do. He took a moment to admire him. He did have nice legs. And an equally nice ass. He was slightly biting his lip, looking a bit shy, and Phil couldn't help but chuckle. He heard Dan mutter 'don't laugh at me,' so he just smiled fondly instead, finally pouring the lube over his fingers. 

Dan sniffed, and teased, "What? Too cheap for scented lube?" 

Phil clicked his tongue, warming up the slick substance between his fingers, "Don't complain." He scooted forward, replacing one of Dan's hands with his own, pushing his leg up further and reaching down. He circled his finger over Dan's rim, who gasped in response, trembling slightly. He wasted no more time, pushing his finger in to the first knuckle, eyes flicking up to the brunette's face.

He moaned, "Definitely not complaining now."

Phil grinned smugly, pushing the single digit in and out slowly until Dan breathlessly whispered 'another'. He squeezed a second finger in alongside the first one, pumping them into the boy beneath him gently. Dan squirmed, "Y'know, it's not like I've never had fingers inside of me before, you don't have to act like I'll break. Or cry. Or whatever." 

Phil was a bit dumbstruck, but nodded, scissoring the two fingers, stretching and thrusting them into Dan faster. Dan tossed his head back, whimpering and moving his hips in a downward motion, hand slipping on his thigh before he quickly grabbed at it, hosting his leg up further. He shut his eyes tightly at the third finger, and the moment all three fingers thrust up into him, he saw stars. _Finally._

"There. Again, please." 

Phil nodded and angled his hand a bit better so that with every push in, his fingers jabbed onto Dan's prostate. 

Dan's eyebrows furrowed, and he choked out another moan. He continued to rock downwards onto his friend's fingers, shocks of pleasure racing up and down his spine with every brush to his prostate. "Phil, I'm definitely going to— to cum–if you don't stop," He stuttered out between groans. He sadly whined as he was suddenly empty again. 

Phil took the lube again and poured a generous amount into his hand. He took his cock into his hand, wincing as the cold lube met his burning skin. He moved his hand over his dick slowly, using all the self restraint he had not to just jerk himself off. He deemed himself ready after another two or three strokes, and pushed his jeans down a bit further. He removed Dan's hands from his legs and sat back, pulling Dan closer. He tugged the younger into a sitting position, and patted his thigh, "Cmon."

Dan's face turned scarlet, but he complied, moving so that his entrance was hovering over Phil's cock. He swallowed the lump in his throat before sinking down, slowly, onto his friend's dick. His arms wrapped around Phil's neck securely, and he buried his nose into the crook of his neck and shoulder. 

Phil bit his lip, mumbling, "It's tight." He placed his hands on Dan's hips, guiding him down until he bottomed out, his entire form shaking. "Dan," He muttered, one hand going to stroke the back of the brunette's head, the other stroking the small of his back soothingly, "Are you okay?"

Dan nodded, a dull ache in his backside."It's just a bit new– big. It kinda hurts." 

Phil removed his hand from Dan's hand, resting it back on his hip, and continued to rub small circles on his back. After another moment, Dan sighed, "I'm okay."

They started slow, Dan moving his hips in downward circles at his own pace, and Phil staying still until he was sure it was okay to go on. Dan whimpered, stopping his movements for a second, adjusting his hips and suddenly slamming down onto Phil's cock. Phil spluttered, moaning a bit surprisedly, gripping Dan's thighs in a bruising hold. /Must've been looking for that spot,/ Phil thought to himself, finally starting to thrust upwards to meet Dan's erratic movements. 

Dan huffed. He pulled off Phil, falling back onto the bed and spreading his legs. Phil stared at him dumbly and he rolled his eyes, "Come on, then. Fuck me."

Phil wasted not another second before he was pushing Dan's thighs up and pushing his dick past the tight ring of muscle again. He moved sloppily until he found Dan's prostate again, and thrusted forward hard and fast, deeper and deeper until his thighs met the other's ass. 

What started out gentle quickly turned into nothing but an all out rough _fuck_. Dan was moaning 'yes, yes, yes' with every thrust, which only encouraged Phil further, alternating between slow, hard, and fast movements. Dan shakily wrapped his hand around his cock, jerking himself off with messy movements, his legs trembling. 

Phil admired the way his cock disappeared and reappeared inside of Dan's– gorgeous, he would say –ass. He reached up, stroking a hand over Dan's cheek, who in turn looked at him with full blown, confused eyes. He dived in, kissing his messily, tongued melding and teeth accidentally clicking, to which they laughed at through guttural moans and groans.

Dan's hand began to move faster, and he moved away from the kiss reluctantly, "I'm so– _so/_ c-close." He felt Phil's thrusts falter for a moment before he was moving again, faster and harder, right into the bundle of nerves that was absolutely driving Dan mad. He brushed his thumb over the head of his cock, letting out louder and louder sounds. 

Phil occupied his mouth with Dan's neck once again, kissing and nipping and sucking bruises into the skin, making Dan squirm delightfully. It took one more thrust into his prostate, one more nip at his collar, and one more stroke of his hand before Dan was cumming over his stomach, tossing his head back and nearly screaming, "Fuck, _Phil_."

Phil shuddered at his name, beginning to thrust wildly into Dan who clenched around him and tiredly met his thrusts, urging him to the edge. Finally, he stilled, spilling into the boy with a loud groan and a praise of, "Dan, you're so good. Fuck, you're amazing." He slowly pulled up, smiling at Dan who whined in response, before flopping on top of him.

Dan weaved his hands through black hair, wrapping his legs around Phil's waist. Phil places gentle kisses on Dan's collar, dancing his fingers across his sides, making him squirm. They laid together in the post-orgasm glow, their heavy breathing steadying and heart beats returning to normal.

Phil moved first, leaning up to look at Dan. He brought himself down, kissing Dan like he seemed to always do after these encounters. Slowly, gently, and passionately. Dan's thumb stroked over his cheek before they parted.

Phil stared down at him again, looking from his kiss bitten lips to his his red cheeks and finally into his warmly brown eyes.

Dan just smiled and Phil swore for this first time he felt a tug at his heart. 

\--

When Dan woke up, he felt like he was wrapped in pure warmth. He sighed, wiggling closer to the source. He felt arms squeezing him affectionately, pulling him even closer. That's when he opened his eyes. His face was buried into Phil's shoulder and his boxers had found their way back onto him. He pushed himself away from Phil, albeit unwillingly, and looked at his sleeping face. He looked happy and peaceful. Cute, too. Dan smiled a bit sadly and got out from his friend's embrace without waking him.

 

He stood, with mild pain in his hips, tugged his shirt back on, and walked into the lounge. He flopped immediately onto the sofa. Bad idea. An ache ran up his backside, and he whimpered. He rubbed at his lower back, looking up as Phil entered with a yawn. 

"Good morning.." He muttered, shyly smiling at his flatmate. Phil hummed in response.

"Coffee?" He asked and Dan nodded, standing up and following him to the kitchen. Once the coffee was readily in the maker, and brewing, Phil mumbled a bit embarrassedly, "So, um...how do you feel today?"

Dan glared at him, "It hurts."

Phil laughed quietly and Dan joined in with his own giggles. "I'm sorry," Phil said sheepishly.

"You are forgiven." 

They drank the hot liquid in fair silence and then decided on, obviously, cereal for breakfast, which they ate together in the lounge, some show they were semi engrossed in on the TV. Dan's eyes landed on the mess of cups and the near empty bottle of alcohol on the table. He swallowed thickly, thinking about Caitlyn.

He really did like her. She was nice and she cared about him. She cared about Phil. She was such a pure and genuine girl and he just had sex with her boyfriend. He felt guilty agreeing to the deal, but he couldn't bring himself to do the right thing. 

He liked Phil. He _really_ liked Phil. And with the loving touches and kisses he received when they were tangled together only made things worse. He knew Phil didn't mean for them to be so full of love. Dan's heart sank and he sadly thought, _Maybe he was imagining Caitlyn._

(He wasn't.)

\--

Caitlyn came by that day and immediately pulled up her shirt when she saw Dan. There was a nice bruise forming on her side from where he threw the binder at her. Dan couldn't help but snicker.

"I'm sorry, Cait." He apologized, sincerity in his voice even though he was giggling. She pouted at him and he brought her into a gentle hug. She beamed happily, hugging him back with a tight squeeze. She stepped back, and reached up to pat his head. Momentarily, Dan thought she reminded him of his mum.

Later that day, when he voiced this thought, Caitlyn cooed.

"That's so cute! Does that make Phil your daddy?"

Both Dan and Phil turned bright red and looked at each other.

"Definitely not."

\--

Caitlyn pointed out the love bites again.

Dan covered them with his hand. "Yeah. Things worked out." He really didn't want to talk about them. Especially not with Caitlyn. Not with the girlfriend of their source. She took a hint and just smiled, continuing with other conversation, oblivious to the rising tension between Dan and Phil.

\--

Phil showed Caitlyn to the door when she left, looking more than sad when he returned. Dan's stomach dropped.

"Oh no..." He whispered, "What happened?"

"She didn't break up with me," He said, and Dan was almost disappointed. "She just called off some dinner plans we had in a few weeks. Turns out because of a schedule mishap, she's totally booked. It took me forever to even get reservations honestly! It's an expensive and busy place and I don't know, I was excited-"

"Um, I'll go." Dan suddenly said. He quickly continued, "Not like a date. Just so your reservations and work don't go to waste, and stuff...and you'll get to try the restaurant out and you can be excited about it and maybe you can judge it and see if it's good for another time, like, if you wanna go with Caitlyn or-"

"Dan." Phil cut his ramblings off and he blushed from ear to ear. Phil smiled, "Thank you. Of course we can go! It'll be just as fun."

Dan perked up.

He said it wasn't a date, but he definitely had a date with Phil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NICE. I've finally planned this fic out ENTIRELY. so chapters SHOULDNT take me too long???? also hope u enjoyed the smut because I don't think there will be any in the next chapter ?


	5. friendship & love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! so bad news: this story may go on hiatus because school makes me [crying emoji] buts thats just a MAYBE because im pretty good with time management!   
> i had a half day at school today so i wrote some of the sneakily at school and then i had a headache and i was tired so like....please tell me if theres typos? i also use the word sex a lot nice  
> i also think this chapter IS SHIT. (it has no smut btw) i think i paced it weirdly im so ):   
> anyway sorry for the long a/n wtf heres chapter 5

"Wait—wait, just a second."

Dan leaned back against the cabinets, sliding himself further up onto the counter so that it wasn't digging uncomfortably into the back of his legs. He sighed, opening his arms and making grabby hands, "Okay, c'mere."

His arms looped back around Phil's neck, who resumed laying kisses along his neck, and he couldn't help but let out a happy noise. Phil snaked an arm around his waist, his other hand pressing against his hip, rubbing circles onto it with his thumb. Dan wrapped his legs around him, heels digging into his back and bringing him even closer.

He tangled his fingers into the back of ebony hair, affectionately running his hands through it as Phil continued to kiss him gently, paying special attention to the fading bruises. Dan was absolutely beaming. This felt so _vanilla_. It was gentle and sweet and there was no urgency, no lust, and he almost dared to think it was just love. He didn't question it though.

After last weekend, the first time he and Phil had full blown sex, things had dulled down. Instead of Phil pressing into Dan and prompting a late night handjob or blowjob, he'd just lean into him. He'd kiss him, shower him with affection, and hold him for hours on end. He'd be lying if he said they hadn't done anything sexual in the past week, but it was a lot less animalistic. He liked being treated like a lover, but it was so twisted. He wasn't Phil's boyfriend. He was just his best friend that he occasionally kissed and fucked.

_Yeah, that's a good description._

He grimaced, but it melted away into a genuine smile as he felt Phil's lips on his. They kissed lazily, mouths moving together clumsily as they couldn't stop smiling. What the hell was with them and their sudden cliche, romantic ways? It was making Dan want to be sick.

Almost. Because he still enjoyed pretending he was the one dating Phil. The one he took on dates, invited into his bed, stayed with, showed off proudly, held hands with, cuddled, kissed all the time, whenever, wherever. He liked pretended Phil loved him and that he wasn't just a secret.

Sadness washed over him, and he pressed closer to Phil moving his hands to the front of his shirt. He gripped it tightly, pulling away from Phil. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, Phil smiling, and Dan looking a bit uncertain. Phil laughed nervously, "What?" Dan admired the crooked curve of his lips and the shine in his eyes before he pulled him back, kissing him a bit possessively. Phil just melded into it, his hands returning to his hold on the boy's hips. Dan's thoughts calmed down, and he returned to his calm state, happily wrapped around Phil and comfortable in his embrace.

Then there was a sudden and loud knocking on the door, almost as if someone was trying to bust the door down.

Dan jerked his head away, smacking it against the cabinets, immediately letting out a shrill, "Fucking hell!" Phil untangled himself, Dan dropping his legs and arms to let him free, using his hand to run the forming bump on his head with a whimper. They looked at each other with red faces, hearts thudding against their chests, embarrassed by the thought of being caught making out against a kitchen counter at eleven a.m.

Phil left the kitchen swiftly, and Dan slid himself off the counter. He sighed, shifting from foot to foot. "Phil, my arse is numb from sitting on the...counter." He blinked, looking at the smiling face of Caitlyn and a bit of a distressed Phil. "Oh, hi."

"Morning!" She chirped, apparently not going to question why he was informing Phil of the state of his ass. She really did trust him. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, suddenly feeling the need to as if she could see the kisses on his lips. She continued, "I'm here because me and Phil were gonna get a late breakfast...or early lunch?"

"Brunch?" Phil quipped.

Caitlyn's eyes widened, "I've never had brunch before!"

Dan grinned, snorting at her excitement, "Ah, brunch with Phil. Have fun!" He waves, setting himself on the sofa.

"Oh...that's the thing." She says softly, sitting next to Dan and clapping her hand on his thigh, "I want you to come too!"

Dan was a bit taken aback, and he glanced up at Phil who just shrugged, indicating he didn't know she'd invite him, but that he also didn't mind. _Do I want to go, though?_ He thought, biting his lip. I _really don't feel like third wheeling. Or having a front row seat to Phil and his girlfriend's date._ He warily examined Caitlyn's expression. She looked like she genuinely wanted his to go, a hopeful look to her face. "I don't want to impose-"

"You won't!"

"...on your date."

Caitlyn puffed out her cheeks childishly, "Dan. It's not really a date, okay? We're a couple, yes, but not everything we do together is some romantic date. This is just us grabbing something to eat! And we want our mutual friend to come!" She looked to Phil with a gleam in her eye, "Right, love?" He just nodded and Caitlyn began to bounce excitedly on the cushion. She was like a little kid. Dan couldn't help but smile and want to hug her.

"Okay. Fine. I'll go."

\--

Dan sipped idly at the straw between his lips, looking off to the side, irritation settling uncomfortably in his stomach. He glanced back up to the couple across from him. Phil didn't seem like someone who'd be for any type of public displays of affection. Caitlyn on the other hand relished in showing off Phil and the fact that he was, in fact, her boyfriend. The hand holding, nose bumping, chaste kissing, and exchanging of flirty words was driving Dan up the goddamn wall.

Dan leaned back into the cushions of the booth, eyes darting between Caitlyn and Phil, seeing if they were gonna pay him any recognition any time soon. _So much for not being a third wheel. For not crashing a date._ He coughed, loudly and over exaggerated. The two looked up at him slowly, "Hm? Oh, sorry. Something in my throat. I think it was _vomit_ ," He says a bit too harshly and Phil's eyes narrow.

Caitlyn's face goes red, "Um, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," Dan mumbled, stirring his drink around, watching the ice swirl and melt away, watering down his sweet soda. He sighs, exhaling slowly, "I'm gonna go, sorry." He takes his wallet out, laying some cash on the table. Phil gave him a bit of an angry look and Caitlyn looked ashamed, "I know you offered, but I'm sorry I came along. I shouldn't have." He looked guilty at his friends before he turned away, leaving quickly.

He hailed a cab, shifting in the seat, looking out the window sadly. He handed the correct amount of money over to the driver with an awkward 'thanks' before trudging up and into his flat. It was quiet, dark, and empty. Dan had a feeling Phil would be pissed at him by the time he returned, so for now, a nap was due. He shuffled off to his room, kicking off his shoes and climbing under his duvet and burying his nose into his pillow. He felt bad for making such a rude comment to Caitlyn. She was nice enough to invite him and she always treated him so kindly. He had no right to act like a jealous schoolgirl because she was being flirty with her boyfriend. _Her_ boyfriend.

He closed his eyes tightly, forcing the thoughts out of his mind and willing himself to sleep.

\--

"Dan."

The brunette lazily opened one eye. His head hurt and his eyes felt dry and he overall really wanted to go right back to sleep. He peered up at the person who was sitting next to him, their hand placed comfortably on his side. Phil. He smiled a bit dopily before remember what had happened at the cafe. His mouth turned into a pout. He rolled over, Phil's hand sliding off of him. "Hey," Phil said. His voice sounded gentle, but stern, and Dan couldn't decide if he was nervous or not. "Look at me. Talk to me for a minute."

Dan huffed, and flopped onto his back, looking up at Phil with his arms crossed.

"You look like a kid."

"Get to the point or get out."

Phil's mouth screwed up and he hummed. "Why'd you leave? Why'd you _say that_?" He asked simply. Dan couldn't read the tone in his voice so he examined his face thoroughly. He still couldn't understand the tone, couldn't understand what emotion was under the mask Phil has put on or the words he was keeping steady. His eyes slanted into a glower, and he sat up.

"I left because I was a third wheel to a fluff fest. It was uncomfortable. Okay? Sorry I said what I did but I was a bit ticked off that my best friend was ignoring me," He looked down at his lap, "I mean, I shouldn't complain. You guys are a couple who do couple things but it was just...too much. Especially when you're with someone else, yknow? It sucks. You've been in that situation, yeah?" He looked up, finally meeting Phil's eyes. He could finally see the emotion in them. He looked annoyed, but more sympathetic at this point.

"Yeah," He breathed, sliding closer to Dan. "You're right. I'm sorry. But what you said was still rude. And so was leaving. Just a bit."

Dan smiled and Phil returned it. "Hey Dan?"

"Mm?'

There was a pause. Phil shifted.

"Are you jealous of me and Caitlyn?"

Dan's eyes widened a bit. "Why do you think so? I'm not. But, why?"

"I just...the way you react to things sometimes? I dunno...I just thought maybe you were jealous that she was taking your best friend away?"

Dan sighed, but in relief. _Best friend._ Of course. Jealous that he was losing his _friend_ time with his _best friend_. No, he wasn't asking if he was jealous that Caitlyn got all his love, attention, affection— "Oh. No, not at all. I get to see you all the time. I know you're still my best friend." He forced a toothy smile that faded when Phil once again began to wiggle where he was sitting. "Phil?"

"Okay, listen. I have another question."

"Please, do tell. I love playing twenty questions," He joked but Phil didn't smile.

"Dan...are you..." He trailed off, looking perplexed. He shook his head, standing up. "Um, never mind!" There was an obviously fake grin on his face as he left the room quietly, Dan raised an eyebrow. He didn't have time to dwell on his confusion as his headache came seeping back into his conscience. He groaned, sinking back into his sheets and blankets, his pillow cushioning his pounding head.

He rubbed his temples, Phil's nervous tone and shifty eyes swirling around in his brain as he squinted at the ceiling.

\--

The next few weeks passed quietly and uneventfully. Phil spent a lot of time with Caitlyn. Her schedule was about to hit its busy cram this weekend and the couple was milking what time they had together before she was too packed to even think about doing anything. Honestly, that girl was a saint. Volunteering and working every shift she could at her two job and not even bothering to complain once to anyone. It'd drive anyone else insane.

"It's the price I pay to live alone in a nice apartment!" She chimed, still happily beaming. "Well, I say alone, but it's also the price I pay to keep my two babies fed!" 'Babies' referred to her excitable dog and bouncy kitten. Dan adored them. Phil did, too, but he had to stick to the dog as the little kitten liked to rub up on him and leave its allergy inducing fur all over him and his favorite shirts. The boys agreed, however, that they both took a lot of money to care for. Plus, she was indeed right about her appartment. It was nice and spacious and even though it took a lot of her time away occasionally to maintain it all, she did a damn well job at it.

**  
  
**

When Phil returned to the flat on Friday afternoon, he looked crushed. Dan laughed just to poke fun at him. He jumped up from the sofa, coming up to pinch both his flatmate's cheeks. "Hey! Don't be sad! Remember, dinner tomorrow night?" That made Phil lighten up and suddenly he was hugging Dan, lifting him off his feet in the slightest. Dan was shocked, gripping onto the back of Phil's shirt. He was set back onto his feet, and he looked at Dan with a blush, "Sorry! I got a little too excited— the place has mirrors on the ceiling and there's a little koi pond and the tables have cute lights on them and I'm also a bit affection deprived so I wanted a hug." He blurted.

Dan covered his mouth to stifle a giggle. "Yeah, I'm excited too. Plus, I love Chinese food."

Phil stared at Dan for a moment. He was holding the younger boy close and his cheeks were tinged pink, his eyes squinted from the wide smile on his lips. Phil swallowed hard, feeling a strange feeling twist in his stomach.

He suddenly pushed forward, locking their lips and leading Dan in a stumbling haste to the sofa.

\--

Dan observed his appearance in the mirror, spinning around once. As soon as he realized how stupid and embarrassing the action was, he looked away from his reflection, blushing. He jumped, spinning around as his door opened and Phil waved him over, "Come on! You look fine, let's go!"

Dan shuffled over to Phil, and they left the flat together, "I know this place is fancy and all, but do I look to formal? Or, like, even to underdressed? I dunno!" Phil snorted, looking over at Dan with a raised brow. "What? I just don't want to stand out."

"You won't," He gigged out, tossing his hand up to catch a cab's attention. "Besides, you're worrying over your appearance like you're going on the date of your life."

Dan knew he was teasing. His tone was joking and he bumped his arm with his elbow, but Dan couldn't help but look down at his shoes guiltily. "Um, yeah." He mumbles, rocking on his heels. When the cab pulls up the curb, Phil climbs in, patting the seat next to him before Dan slips in next to him and shuts the door. He gives the directions to the restaurant, leaning back into the seat and looking over to Dan, "Okay, so, listen. You know what the place has on top of amazing decor? Listen to what it serves!"

Dan smiles sheepishly as Phil begins to ramble and he wished his could reach over, hold his hand, and kiss him on the forehead.

But this wasn't a date and this wasn't his boyfriend. He was only his best friend...and his fuckbuddy.

\--

"So, she turned around and almost hit me with her umbrella! All over a candy wrapper!" Phil finished off his outrageous story, leaning back in his seat with an exasperated huff.

Dan takes a sip from his drink with a grin, "You run into the weirdest people, you know? Like, random dudes whispering to you? Hell, someone licked you, Phil."

"Don't bring it up!" He whines, covering his face with his hands. Dan snickered, looking up as the waiter came over. She bounced on her heels, scribbling down their orders before spinning around and walking away. Dan glances out the window they were sitting next to, admiring the scenery and glittering lights, the dark making them bright and the city look full of life. He smiled.

Phil settled back into his chair, eyes settling on the brunette boy. His soft face was illuminated by the dim lighting around them and the lights outside the window made his eyes sparkle. His cheeks were indented with the cute little dimple that Phil had come to adore and flushed a bright red, and his hair had curled a bit against his forehead from his rush attempt and straighten it. Phil's eyes wandered down. His clothes really were nice. The jacket fitted his form nicely and his shirt was neatly ironed—he must've spent a good deal of time on his outfit. The sleeves of the coat were a bit too long, and he gripped them in his hands. It was adorable. Phil bit his lip.

When Dan looked back at him and started telling him a story of his own, and Phil ignored how he kept staring at his lips, how much he wanted to kiss him, how much he wanted to hold his hand, and _what_? He resisted the urge to shake his head so that's he didn't give away that he wasn't exactly paying too much attention to what Dan was saying. Sure, him and Dan had sex. But that's all. It was just sex. There were no feelings behind it, no strings, no regrets once it was broken off.

He loved Caitlyn. A lot.

Dan was his best friend. Caitlyn was his girlfriend. And he liked it that way.

... _Right_?

\--

They arrived home and Dan finally broke the prolonged silence. "Why....aren't you talking to me anymore? Did I say something wrong at dinner?"

Phil looked over at him, a bit scared-like. "No! No, you didn't. I'm sorry! I just got way too caught up in dumb thoughts." He chuckled, setting his stuff on the table and turning the lights on in the lounge. He sat next to Dan who had removed his jacket at this point and curled up on the sofa. He glanced at Dan, who was looking down at his pants, picking at a loose thread. He admired his slightly parted, pink lips, his few freckles, and his generally admirable profile. Dan looked up and smiled, and that's all it took to send Phil spiraling back into his complicated thoughts.

Dan was always there for him. He helped him with his problems, no matter what they were. Even when it involved giving him a handjob. He seemed to bend over backwards for Phil. He appeased him all the time, listened to him complain, smiled and bared it when he was upset until he was at his breaking point because _Phil, I just didn't want to cause you any trouble with my issues_. He wouldn't admit it, but Phil could easily sense his bitterness towards his relationship with Caitlyn. He liked her, they were friends. But he shifted when they held hands, looked away when they hugged, and broke it up fast when they kissed.

Lately, it was becoming more obvious to Phil. And along with that, Phil had found himself wanting Dan for more than the sex. He liked to kiss him, wrap him up in his arms, and treat him like he treated Cait. Dan, oddly, didn't complain. He never turned the kissing and innocent holding each other into sex. He just let it happen. He even seemed to enjoy more than he would ever admit. It pissed Phil off. He wanted Dan to complain, to make him remember that their relationship outside of being best friends was just to fuck. Quickly _fuck_ and _get off_ and then go back to their _friendship_. Play a goddamn video game, not kiss and lay in bed together. That's what he should do with his girlfriend.

His eyebrows furrowed.

No, this didn't mean anything. He was just a hopeless romantic. He couldn't help wanting to kiss and hug someone he'd had sex with. That's all. Once his relationship with Caitlyn advanced, he'd break off the pointless sex with Dan and continue with the way things used to be. Before they'd got weird. He really liked the sex, guiltily enough. Despite the bad feeling in his gut about it all, he kept doing it. Despite how it was making him second guess his feelings for his best friend, he kept doing it. Despite how he was starting to wonder the difference between his friends with benefits a relationship and his actual relationship, he kept doing it.

"Phil?" Dan pulled him from his thoughts, a worried look on his face.

Phil's mind was clouded, a million thoughts bouncing around his skull.

_Dan. Feelings. Caitlyn. Friends with benefits. Relationships. Sex. Love._

"Dan, are you in love with me?"

Dan's mouth dropped open and Phil's eyes widened. _No, no, no,_ that's not what he meant to say.

**  
** _Oh shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYYYYYY, drama! things are sadly only gonna get worse from here until the end. im so sorry.   
> again, im not proud of this chapter. /: but the next few chapters should be better. this is kinda sorta a fillerish chapter to get the more thicker plot details into motion.   
> but be warned, there's a storm coming.  
> love ya - xoxo blake


	6. out with the old & in with the new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOA! Updating already!? ok ok i will admit this is a short (emotional) chapter and i wrote it because im REALLY happy because....  
> i have an 80% chance of getting in my 1st university of choice! *balloons*
> 
> ahem, anyways.....short chapter. bit of smut.  
> some things 2 kno:  
> \- ABOUT THE STORY; if youre confused, at the end of this chapter, phil has been dating caitlyn for four-five months  
> \- no hiatus!  
> \- updates will come in waves though (as in ill either update a lot at once or one chapter every so often. you feel?)  
> \- your comments make me so happy! if u read, leaving a comment would be neato.... <3  
> \- i need a beta? because i type these up fast and im afraid im making typos and grammar errors a lot. yikes  
> sorry for the long a/n hA
> 
> xoxo blake

There was a prolonged silence where Dan just stared, mouth agape, and Phil looked down at the floor in horror.

_Why did I say that, why did I say that, why did I—_

__

"Are you joking?"

Phil finally allows himself to look up at Dan. He looked scarily different. His face was emotionless and his eyes seemed to be void of their happy light they carried at dinner. Phil paled, but for some reason, he couldn't lie. He shook his head, "No. I'm not. I just– I was thinking– and the sex and kisses and..." He couldn't form a coherent thought. His head was swimming with everything he wanted to say, a jumbled mess of words and scenarios. "You acted like you were."

He'd only asked because Dan had put off that energy. He seemed jealous. Possessive. He wanted Phil's attention for more than just a quick fuck, like it had started, but for everything in between. He acted like he was indeed dating Phil when Caitlyn wasn't around. Didn't he? _Or am I just assuming these things because I'm not sure what's going on with my own feelings?_

__

Dan clenched and unclenched his fists, breathing through his nose. _Keep it together._ He blinked slowly, locking his gaze to his best friend's, "No."

"...no?"

"No. I'm not in love with you. Friends with benefits, remember? You're my best friend. I only fuck you on the side because it feels good for me and it feels good for you. This is just until your girlfriend steps in and takes on the job of getting you off, right? It's pointless sex. With and without it, you're just my best friend, you'll always just be my best friend, and there's never been a single ounce of romantic feelings in our stupid kisses and our stupid sex!" Dan wasn't sure why he was raising his voice, or why he was suddenly so angry. He could feel the heat in his face and he didn't flinch at Phil's hurt expression. Even if this was slowly tearing him down inside.

"Okay." Phil said quietly, "You're right. You're my best friend, too. I'm not...I'm not in love with you either. I really do love Caitlyn and I do enjoy the...sex from you, but only because...it's pleasurable. Something I can't get from who I'm in love with right now." He was playing with his hands nervously, his voice soft. He spoke slowly as if trying to form what to say in his head as it was coming out, "Sorry. I just got confused about some things. Goodnight."

Phil stood, cautiously placing a hand on Dan's head and pulling him close so he could press a kiss to his forehead. "Thanks for tonight," He mumbled against brown hair before he left to his room for the night.

As soon as Dan heard his door click shut, he let his strong exterior crumble. He sobbed silently, chest heaving and tears pooling on his chin, falling in fat  drops onto his dress pants. He sniffled, wiping the back of one hand over his nose and the other over his wet eyes. He'd had too many emotions bottled up for too long. Over too many things. Over one person.

_Yes_ , He hiccuped, locking the door to his room once he was inside, sliding down into the floor.

_Of course, I'm in love with you._

\--

Dan and Phil didn't avoid each other because they were better than that. They were better than petty arguments and pretending they didn't know each other just because things got awkward. In the end, they would always be each other's best friend. No matter what. They made sure of that.

However, there was a dry spell. They didn't make much psychical contact. They both secretly worried their fucked up friends with benefits relationship had come to an end with the lack of hugs that turned to making out that turned to palming each other. Or hands lazily laid upon thighs that turned into heatedly bumping through the doorway on onto the bed so they could fuck each other senseless.

It lasted for a month. In that month, Caitlyn had finished up her busy work, returning to their lives and bringing her bubbles and sunshine of a personality with her. It made things considerably happier in their flat and suddenly the awkward feeling subsided and everything was back to normal. As normal as it could be with Dan and Phil, at the moment, that is.

(Dan couldn't admit it made his chest tighten to see Phil. Phil couldn't say he felt a pang of sadness in him to see Dan, but things were normal.)

\--

Once the atmosphere returned to its lighter state, Phil was much more cautious. He didn't ask Dan any questions other than the simple things like what _do you want to eat?_ and made sure to sit alone in his room when he was thinking. After a month of not necessarily ignoring each other, but not necessarily on speaking terms either, he realized how much he never wanted that to happen again. He'd spent a lot of time with Caitlyn once she was back. He complained to her vaguely about what happened and made it out like they fought and were ignoring each other. Close enough to the truth.

She told him, "Talk to him."

He did. He apologized and they decided to pretend the question never happened. The hugs, the liveliness of their laughter, and the sparkle in Dan's eyes. It all came back like someone flipped a switch. They didn't speak of their previous agreement even though Phil ached to have Dan's hands on him once again. He just desperately didn't want to fuck up. Again.

Over the next two weeks, they seemed to become themselves again. Caitlyn had taken a bit of a step back, realizing they needed to spend time as friends again because to her knowledge they'd gotten into a nasty fight that caused an angry dilemma. It wasn't the truth, but they still appreciated their time. They went to the movies, to various restaurants where they mocked the uptight people around them, and to near every Starbucks in the vicinity of them. They were having fun acting like two teenage best friends who were only seeing each other for a little while before one left. No one was leaving, but spontaneous was good.

At the end of the second month since their "argument", the city hopping and _best friend dates_ , as Phil dubbed them, had began to come to an end (for now) as their funds were close to crying due to how much they used them up.

And it wasn't until four a.m. on a Saturday, a mildly drunk Dan leaning into his chest, whispering I missed you, his arms around his neck as they swayed in their lounge to _Thinking Out Loud_ , that Phil realized he was in love.

_Fuck_.

\--

They sat together on the sofa, hardly any distance between them, and made off handed comments about the trashy show that was flickering on their TV. "I just don't get it," Dan said with a mouthful of crisps, "She's supposed to be bitching at her for looking like a 'fashion disaster'," He mocked the exuberant lady's voice making Phil giggle, "When she's wearing a patterned orange shirt, _orange_! Plus, she's totally pattern clashing with her stupid black and white leggings! Like, what the fuck!"

"Dan, since when are you a fashion expert? You should swap places with orange lady."

Dan just rolled his eyes at the statement, stuffing more crisps into his mouth. He chewed slowly, looking from the television to Phil's face. He swallowed thickly, his teeth catching his lip. He placed the bag on the side table, dusting off his lap, "Hey. Let's fuck." He said, letting the words roll off his tongue as casually as he could with a pounding heart. Phil glanced over at him, a bit hesitant. He looked like he wanted to ask 'we're still doing that?' but bit his tongue and nodded. They stood up, pulling clothes off as they made their way to the bedroom.

Dan fell onto his back with a bounce, Phil immediately climbing on top of him. Their mouths locked together and their tongues shyly met at first before everything was familiar to them again and they let it return to its old, urgent ways. "I haven't got to touch you in two goddamn months," Phil moaned as Dan bit down on his shoulder, "I think I was gonna go crazy with all this pent up sexual frustration."

"Honestly," Dan whispered, wrapping his legs around Phil and forcing him down so that their boxer clad erections rubbed against each other. He shuddered before continuing, "All you had to do was ask. I'm sure I would've said yes, no matter how weird things seemed."

Phil grinned, moving his hips in short thrusts, rutting himself against Dan through his boxers. It felt _incredible_ to have friction against his cock after the absence of Dan's hands, Dan's mouth, just _Dan_. He reached down pushing his pants down a bit, watching as Dan followed suit and used his own hand to press their dicks together. A conjoined moan bounced off the walls at the contact and Dan began to jerk his hand, whimpering Phil's name out with every touch.

Both boys thrusted up into the constricted grasp Dan had on them. Phil huffed. "Hold on." He glanced around, Dan's bedside, the floor, and then into the dresser nearby. He sighed when he found that the lube they'd frequently used wasn't empty, "Hand. Give it."

Dan opened his palm and allowed Phil to pour the clear liquid into it before quickly returning his hand to their cocks, moving his hand in more fluid and easy motions now. "Much better," Phil groaned, and they resumed their relentless movements into Dan's hand.

It was a mess of lube and precum and overall desperate as fuck, but neither of them could complain. Dan was moaning loudly and happily right into Phil's ear as he kissed and bit down onto his blank canvas of a neck, leaving hickeys, disappointed that he'd let them disappear. The noises were driving him insane. He pulled back, thumb caressing the red spot where a bruise would most likely appear, and replaced the knuckle against Dan's mouth with his own.

Their kisses were hot, breathy, and full of pure lust and need. Dan felt his knees buckle and he whimpered, "Phil, I'm gonna cum. Fuck, _fuck yes_ , finally, I'm—"

"Phil!"

They paused. Phil looked down at Dan and quickly realized that female voice did not come from his lips.

Dan hissed. "Oh my _fucking god_!"

They scrambled away from each other, finding their jeans from Dan's floor and sliding them on with a unhappy groan and they were _skinny jeans_ and didn't feel too great on a _painful erection_. Dan pulled a shirt from his closest as he didn't see the one he was wearing preciously in his floor and he _really didn't have time to look for it_. "You just had to give her a key, _didn't you_?"

Phil ignored the comment and dashed from Dan's room and swiped his shirt off the hallway floor, tugging in on and sliding into his room just as he heard Caitlyn come bouncing upstairs. He sat on his bed, pressing his hand into his hard on, eyes shut tight, trying to will it down before his girlfriend came into his room. He whined. Touching wasn't helping make it go away.

He envisioned the image of Dan underneath him just moments ago, his fingers rubbing slowly over himself and he missed as his door opened quietly.

There was silence. Then, "Phil?"

His eye snapped opened and he looked up at Caitlyn, his mouth opening and closing wildly. _Wait to go, Phil! Get caught by your girlfriend while you're jerking off to your best mate!_ He removes his hand, placing it at his side. He blushed, looking everywhere except the girl's face. He hears shuffling and his bed dips, a petite hand suddenly trailing up his thigh. A sense of deja vu washed over him as she whispered her next words with a sultry smile and a bat of her eyes.

"Let me help you."

\--

Dan didn't barge in this time. The moment he heard the muffled sound of Caitlyn's voice in a way other than _talking_ , he knew what was going on. He left his room, sitting in the lounge with his laptop and his headphones jammed in his ears, a playlist he'd made on YouTube blasting through the delicate speakers. He didn't say goodbye to the frazzled and obviously sexed up Caitlyn when she emerged from the hall, standing on her toes to kiss Phil who'd seemed to make himself look a bit more decent before leaving the bedroom, and she left. He only removed his headphone when Phil say next to him. He looked...well, Dan couldn't place his finger on it. Something wasn't right. "What's wrong?"

"We had sex."

"Wow, who would've guessed!"

"It didn't feel right."

"It was your first time with her. First times are weird."

"It—" Phil stopped, finding Dan's eyes. The brunette smiled sadly.

"It's over, huh?" He said and Phil knew exactly what he was talking about. He nodded and Dan looked at his keyboard. "Kiss me to seal the deal?"

And so they did.

**  
**  
_It didn't feel right because I don't think I love her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short and kinda shitty and weirdly paced im soooooooorrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy ):  
> the next one should be up sooner or later (probably sooner)  
> and this story is wrapping up faster than i expected it too! i estimate it to have 10-12 chapters.  
> anyway, ty ily  
> xoxo blake <3


	7. heartbreaks & love confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for descriptions of depression, I believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kinda /: i dont like it but whatever. also time skip! a big one. soz
> 
> ***GUYS, YMBF HAS A PLAYLIST. PLEASE listen to it. I worked hard on finding songs that I think really fit well with the story. If you pay attention to the lyrics, you'll see what I mean. I'm proud if it, and I'm kinda proud of this fic.***
> 
> listen here: [x](http://8tracks.com/legithowell/you-re-my-best-friend)

Dan drummed his fingers against the dining room table, staring out the window. The patter of his digits against the wood was loud and seemed to echo around the empty apartment. _Empty_. His hand seized their movements and he felt his lip quiver.

It was lonely.

He missed Phil.

Ever since Caitlyn and Phil's relationship became sexual, she had him over a lot more. He stayed the night with her and was constantly out during the day with her as well. It was becoming excruciating to Dan to sit alone all day in a place that had a touch of his best friend in every corner. Because this was _their_ home that _they_ made _together_. Now it was an empty room across from him, a lonely breakfast, and a silent lounge. Dan's head dropped to the table with a thud.

Along with Phil's disappearance, _Caitlyn_ stopped talking to him as well. They both seemed so consumed in each other and how they could _fuck_  now and it was pissing Dan off. Every place that Phil ever touched him seemed to burn and itch now, making him feel dirty, _used_. He shivered, quickly standing up and making his way towards the shower.

He twisted the faucet to the desired temperature, sitting himself down on the floor to wait for the water to warm up. He pulled his phone from his pocket. He checked the time and then his notifications. He had several from Twitter and scrolled through them without paying much attention to the words. He tapped the messaging app. Nothing. Missed calls? No. Maybe even a DM? Of course not. He tossed his phone down, the all too familiar feeling of the need to cry twisting in his stomach and scratching behind his eyes. He roughly pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, sighing shakily. Dan just wanted Phil to speak to him again but now he was stuck up his girlfriend's ass (quite literally) like he was when they first got together and it was killing him.

He thrust his hand under the stream of water and even though it was scalding and it hurt, he stripped himself of his clothes and climbed in. It burned every inch of his body and he roughly scrubbed away the terrible feeling, making his skin raw and even more sensitive to the water dripping down onto him. When he deemed himself abused enough, he shut the water off, climbing out and wrapping himself in a fluffy towel. His hair was curling and his body, having not properly dried, was leaving a trail of water in his wake. Upon entering the lounge, he nearly collided with another person.

Dan stumbled, almost slipping in the puddles he was leaving with his feet. His arms were grabbed and his body was balanced again and he gawked up at the perpetrator of his near- _death_ fall. He felt the heat flood into his face as an equally flustered Phil looked him up and down. He quickly stepped away from him, instinctively tugging the towel tighter around himself. "I didn't know you'd be home. My bad." He shuffled past the other without giving him a chance to speak and slammed the door to his bedroom shut.

Dan falls heavily onto his bed, not caring if he got the duvet wet as he stared at the ceiling, letting himself become consumed by the thoughts battling in his mind. It was becoming exhausting to think. He just wanted to sleep and escape everything in the real world.

Because he broke a cardinal rule and fell in love with someone he wasn't supposed to.

Someone that was supposed to be just his friend.

Just his fuckbuddy.

No feelings to get in the way of that we're allowed.

He rolled over onto his side, face scrunching up and he let tears freely roll down his face. He shouldn't be upset, really. He knew from the beginning that after it all, Phil was going to shove him aside for Caitlyn. He _knew_  and he _still_ let himself pretend that Phil loved him and got caught up the delusion, tricking himself into almost thinking it was real.

_What a dumbass._

Dan sat up, pressing his hands into his red eyes, huffing out a shaky breath before forcing himself to get up and actually put some damn clothes on. He pulled on a lazy outfit quickly, jumping as someone knocked quietly on his door. He pressed his lips into a flat line, already guessing who it was. He trudged over to it, opening it slowly. He knew he looked like a mess with unruly, damp hair, rumpled clothes, and a red face, splotchy from crying or being on the verge of doing so all day.

At first, he didn't care how bad he looked, but when Phil didn't say anything, just stared, the self consciousness began to settle. He tugged at his clothes, trying to make them look more presentable and he blinked, dabbing at his face as if that would will away the fresh look of _hey, I just cried over you_. Dan ran his fingers through his hair once, and when Phil still hadn't said anything, he scoffed, "What?"

"I was just going to....um, are you okay?"

Dan clenched his jaw. "Yes. I'm fine. I think I'm sick. Or something."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"What do you want?" Dan asked a little harshly. He couldn't be mad at Phil, it wasn't fair for him to be. Nevertheless, he was heartbroken and he wanted to be left alone. He glanced away as a hurt looked passed over his best friend's face.

"I-I'm...well, I'm going to stay at Caitlyn's for a week, is all. So, you won't be seeing me. I just thought I'd tell you, y'know, so you don't worry or anything."

"It's not like you're ever around anyways. What will change? You practically live there now as it is." Dan snapped, and when Phil opened his mouth to say something else, he interjected, "I don't wanna hear it." And slammed the door to his room shut again. He stood in front of it, arms crossed as he waited for Phil to do or say anything. He perked up as he heard the sound of the other walking away, and returned to lying pitifully on his bed.

The spot was wet from where he'd carelessly laid on it before, but he didn't care. It was hard to care about anything. Part of him wished that Phil would turn into a cliche romance on him and barge into his room, demanding he tell him what was wrong before they confessed their feelings for each other and— _wow, okay, that's the dumbest, cheesiest thought that ever went through my mind,_ Dan cringed at the thought.

Dan listened as Phil bumped around in the room next to him before calling an 'I'm off!' into the flat as he left. That was the beginning of the loneliest week of Dan's life.

\--

When Phil returned, he immediately noticed how unkempt Dan looked. Unrested and unwell. It was worrying. He shook his head to every offer Phil gave him to spend time together. He didn't want to play games or watch anime or make collabs. He wouldn't even eat breakfast with Phil anymore. Phil wondered how much he was eating at all.

Despite knowing something was wrong, Phil didn't ask anymore after his first attempt. Maybe it made him a shitty person, but he knew exactly why he wouldn't ask. It was a selfish reason, but he just wanted to be away from Dan as it is. Sure, he'd offered to partake in all the things they used to, but every time he did, it was halfhearted and he didn't bother trying to convince Dan that much. It's probably why the boy rejected him.He knew he didn't want to delve into anything that had to do with Dan right now. He was still his best friend, of course, but he, himself, had emotionally crossed that line. Falling in love with Dan was the worst thing that could've happened. It was his fault, though. He treated their relationship too much like a lover's rather than _friends_ with benefits.

Phil sighed, pausing the game he was playing. He looked towards the direction of Dan's room, where he was undoubtedly locked up and laying in bed. Why was he so upset, anyways?

_Because you're obviously avoiding him you idiot._

Oh yeah.

He went to stand up and walk towards his friend's room, but stopped himself. He bit his tongue. Keeping himself away from Dan and spending as much time as possible with his girlfriend was the only way he knew how to get rid of the wrong feelings and transfer them to the person he should be feeling them for: Caitlyn. He'd been dating her so long, he couldn't break up with her over something this petty. Besides, how would he explain it to her? He shook his head, turning the game off and limiting himself from the sofa. He pulled his shoes on, grabbing his phone and key before leaving the flat silently.

He'd just go to Caitlyn to get his mind off Dan.

\--

Time seemed to fly to Dan, painfully so.

He had been in this stupid funk for _eight months_  now. It was too long and he felt like he should've been over it by now. He'd been talking to Phil more, which was an improvement, but things were too different now. It hurt. A lot. He shifted uncomfortably in the Starbucks booth he was in. He'd had to leave his own flat once again due to Phil bringing Caitlyn around and deciding to have loud sex with her at six in the afternoon. Lovely.

He stared down at his half empty, sugary drink, licking over his lips once to rid them of sticky substance. He couldn't believe that Phil had been dating Caitlyn for over a year now. He was okay with it at first. She was nice, Phil was happy, things were normal. Well, normal plus the fact that they were fucking the first five months of the relationship. Now Caitlyn was as distant as Phil, she didn't invite Dan over or text him anymore. She didn't ask him how he was when she saw him at the flat and spent most of her time holed up in her boyfriend's bedroom before leaving quietly the next morning.

Dan honestly felt like he'd lost two friends. He just cared about Phil the most.

He snatched up the paper cup of his, now cold, coffee and tossed it in the nearest bin before exiting the shop. He slowly made his way back home, hoping he'd been out long enough for the couple to finish their... _business._ He jogged up to the door of the flat, unlocking it and creeping back inside. He listened for a moment and when his ears were met with silence, he allowed himself to go fully inside. He unraveled himself from his coat, and tossed his things onto the table before curling up on the sofa. The lounge was dark and quiet and he didn't remember these cushions being so soft.

After something as simple as a walk to the Starbucks and back, his mind felt cleared for the time being and it was relieving. He felt comfortable for the first time in months. He breathed a tiny sigh, eyes fluttering shut, lips parting gently as he drifted in and out of a dazed state. His muscles relaxed and his mind went blank of any thought he'd had earlier, and for the first time in forever, he properly fell asleep.

\--

****  
  


Caitlyn decided to leave later that night.

When the couple entered the lounge, both their stares fell onto the peacefully sleeping body on the sofa. Phil's lips twitched into a smile and Caitlyn clicked her tongue. "He's gonna have a million cramps sleeping like that, you know?" She shook her head, turning to kiss Phil quickly. She hugged him and nodded towards Dan, "Be a good friend and put him to bed, yeah? I'll see you tomorrow, love. Bye." She left quietly, and Phil looked back to Dan.

He quietly crept towards the boy, heaving him into his arms gently. He grunted, whispering, "You're heavy." He brought the brunette to his room, somehow successfully managing to lay him in bed without waking him. Dan hummed in his sleep and Phil giggled near silently. He crouched by his friend's bed, looking over his peaceful face.

"Dan," He mumbled quietly, reaching up to brush at his fringe. "Please don't wake up. I have something to tell you." He settled into the floor, admiring the beautiful face of his best friend. "A long time ago now, really, before we ended that weird relationship of ours, I realized something. I liked holding you and when we danced and you were giggling drunkenly, lacing our hands together and leaning into me, I realized just how much I loved all the selective things about you. How much _I love you_. I don't know how you really feel about me, but it doesn't matter. I'm trying to get over you. I don't know if I can. I feel like I can't. But I'm trying, that's why I've been so...distant. I've been dating Caitlyn for a year now. I'm supposed to love her. And...and I do. But just not as much as I think I do you."

"You've meant a lot to me for a long time. I guess, maybe, falling in love with you was bound to happen. It sucks it happened now, but...it did. I'm sorry, but I just...can't explain this to Caitlyn. Right now." _Or ever,_ He added mentally. "I can't tell you either. But I love you so much. You're also...you're also still my best friend. I haven't been treating you like one though. I'm so sorry."

Phil pushed himself up from the floor, laying a kiss on Dan's forehead, muttering against it, "I love you. That's all." He stepped away from him, "And there's something I need to tell you when you're awake. Soon. It's important." He shakily let out a breath before he left the room.

**  
Dan just smiled.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what's next? a huge shitstorm and tons of angst. nothing but angst. im sorry. also sorry for the bad chapter :(! leave me a comment? xx


	8. normality & formality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAS IT BEEN AWHILE HAHA,..,,,,,,ITS BEEN AWHILE  
> so i totally lost inspo to write for awhile. oops. BUT IM NOT ABANDONING THIS FIC.  
> but uh, my birthday passed! im 16! and i made up with one of the loveliest people i know (iktwabrokenbone on here) and they "helped" (we dicked around on skype for two hours) me plan this little FILLER chapter some  
> yes its short. but i am still in a bit of a writing funk. anywho! hello again!  
> THIS CHAPTER IS RUSHED BAD AND SHORT OK just a warning  
> xoxo blake

When Dan woke up the next morning, he felt like he was absolutely floating. He stretched his arms above his head with a sigh before climbing out of the mess of black and grey sheets. He yawned, slowly trudging towards the bathroom, after grabbing clothes and a towel, to brush his teeth and shower, feeling the need to care for his appearance today for _some_ reason. Scratch that, he knew exactly why it mattered this time.

He rocked on his heels in front of the mirror, examining his reflection carefully. Last night, Phil _had_ confessed to him. Once he left the room, Dan had made sure _several_ times he wasn’t having some kind of hallucination due to lack of sleeping and eating. _I have something important to tell you_. His words echoed in Dan’s mind. What did that mean? He /had/ just confessed his love to his supposedly sleeping best friend. Maybe he was going to do it when he was awake (to his knowledge)?

Dan nodded to himself, twisting the shower on and ridding himself of his wrinkled outfit before climbing in. He shivered in delight, running his fingers through his hair with a sigh. This was nice. After months of rushed self-care or none at all, finally taking his time just for the hell of it. He heard the sound of someone stumbling around upstairs and his heart fluttered. Phil had to be awake. He hurried his shower just a bit and climbed out, drying his face and hair before wiping down the mirror.

He smiled at his reflection.

Phil loved him back. Not Caitlyn. He was going to confess to him.

Right?

\--

Dan waited.

He waited through breakfast with Phil who handed him a coffee as soon as he walked in, smiling tiredly at him. He waited through their early morning reality-TV shows as he trash talked half the people on them, causing Phil to choke on air as he laughed. He waited through their banter filled Mario Kart session. He waited through Phil filming his new video before handing the camera over so they could film a gaming video. He waited through their on and off editing, smiling at Phil every time they switched out. He waited and waited and waited.

And Phil didn’t say anything.

Things had somewhat gone back to a normal routine now, which Dan was entirely thankful for. He was tired of the distance and the awkward glances when they passed in the halls of their own damn home. Today, had followed a somewhat normal schedule. But why hadn't Phil said anything about his confession? Dan could have sworn that was this _oh-so-important_ thing Phil needed to inform.him of. When his flatmate came into the office, smiling and announcing it was his turn to edit, Dan spoke up. “Are you okay?” The sudden question made Phil waver in the slightest, but he picked himself right back up, smiling again. _Damn_.

“Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?” The older male flopped into one of the available chairs next to Dan, refusing to make eye contact with him as he took over the computer, already starting to cut things. He wasn't even listening to the audio or watching them, for fucks sake! Phil was never good at acting, though.

“You're being weird.” That _was_ a lie– Phil was acting normal all day–until now. “Phil. Phil, stop. You don't even know what you're cutting out.” Dan smacked his hand away from the mouse, undoing all the recently made edits. “What's up? Something on your mind?”

Phil trembled. He opened his mouth wordlessly just as his phone’s generic ringtone went on. Dan was ready to rip his hair out. _So close! He was so close!_ “Excuse me,” Phil whispered after one glance at the caller ID. He pressed the phone to his ear with a ‘hello?’ and exited the office. The brunette nosily trailed after him, having waited a good five minutes so Phil wouldn't know of course, and lingered in the hall to the lounge, where Phil’s conversation already became heated.

“I know, Caitlyn.” He spoke with pure annoyance, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation. “Yes. Yes... I can’t help it! It's not my fault that people don't always understands things, you know?” He puffed out a breath in anger, “Okay, I'm done with this. Bye.” He ended the call, letting out a loud sound of frustration before sliding into the cushions of the sofa.

In Dan’s mind, that sounded like a break up call if he'd ever heard it. He tried not to be giddy, but this was more than good for him. He’d get Phil and his attention back. He'd be able to earn his affection. No more cheating behind Caitlyn’s back– even if _that_ had already ended. He wipes the happiness off his face before deciding to make an entrance.

“Phil?” He said softly, padding in to settle next to his best friend. “That call...I could hear you yelling all the way in the office. It sounded bad. Are you okay?” He was playing dumb, yes, but he went gonna confess to sticking his nose into other people’s business. Phil just shook his head and said nothing. This made Dan’s mood sour slightly.

“Phil. Really. What’s up with you?”

At this, Phil suddenly shot up from his slumped posture, turning to look at Dan directly. “Fine. You really wanna know what's up?” Dan swallowed hard, suddenly feeling afraid of what was to come rather than excited.

“Alright, I'll tell you.”

  
And that’s when Dan’s heart broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short af but it something.  
> if u read this: bless u frankie


	9. to forgive & to forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY FRIENDS ITS ME (: 
> 
> I know I said I'd update on the weekends but hey exams exist. 
> 
> also @ everyone who said she was preggo 
> 
> *SPOILER* I would never do that because then shed be left with a baby and no bf like hell naw
> 
> anyways, its almost one am and I have exams at 9 am and its a super long one and I'm already dead inside and im posting this from my phone bc my laptop is dead but I wanted to get this chapter to you so please love me and also forgive me for how short and shitty it is and oh also what happens BYE
> 
> ((also I've been watching AHS religiously I'm sorry))

Dan felt a painful burn in his eyes. 

 

He knew it all too well; it meant tears. But he wasn't about to let himself cry in front of Phil. “Wow,” he started, trying his best to sound exasperated from excitement rather than utter heartbreak, “Phil, that's amazing. I’m so happy for you.” _No I’m not_. “I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner! How long…?” Dan wasn't really sure if he actually wanted to know, but he needed to appear like a good, interested friend.

 

“Um, a...a week. Ish.” The older replied, fiddling with his fingers.

 

“I’m happy for you.”

 

That was all the brunette said before he was pretending he had some dire editing to do in that moment. It took every ounce of restraint not to sprint off to his room and slam the door.

 

\--

 

Dan couldn't tell if he was being quiet or not. He was crying, sobbing. He felt like he was about to break down the middle. He gasped for air. 

 

_ Dan, I got engaged to Caitlyn. _

 

_ Phil _ loved him. He'd heard him say it. However, he'd chose her over him. Always her over him. Now he’d gone off and decided to marry her. Dan’s heart clenched painfully at that thought. 

 

He rubbed his burning eyes with the heels of his hand, blinking away the bleariness the action brought. He knew he needed to calm down and think about this. His brows furrowed. _They’ve been dating for a little over a year. Is that not too fast to get engaged? Why didn't Phil_... Dan’s eyes widened and his heart began to  pound painfully hard. _Does this mean he's moving out?_

__

 

Dan grit his teeth and tugged at his hair, feeling all the stress and sadness come flooding back into his system _. How is he gonna go off an get engaged to her_ before _moving out!? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Was he_  really _that desperate to marry her_? Nothing was adding up in his head, and he for sure felt a migraine coming on, but the way Phil’s mind was working right now was confusing Dan to no end. 

 

_ If he said he loves me, does he love Caitlyn, too? He has to… or maybe he's lying to one of us. _

 

Dan cried all over again.

 

\--

 

Dan trudged to the bathroom after he's finished bawling like a heartbroken teenager, hoping he wouldn't run into Phil along the way.

 

But, of course, every deity there is hates him.

 

Just as he's reached the bathroom door, Phil was shutting it. He was toweling his hair, a nicer outfit on. They both look away from each other. 

 

“Caitlyn’s?”

 

“Yeah. Have you been crying?” Phil looked back up to Dan’s face.

 

The brunette rubbed his eyes a little, placing his hands over his cheeks. “No… uh, it's nothing.” He shoved past his flatmate and into the bathroom where he locked the door. The air was still heavy with steam and smelled like the shampoo and cologne Phil used. Dan felt like he was suffocating. The mirror had already cleared up and as soon as he caught sight of his appearance, Dan cringed.

 

He looked pale, but his face was also blotchy red with swollen eyes. Not only were they swelled up, but sunken and tired. It was a terrible combination. He looked sick. Dan washed his face slowly, realizing just how shaky his hands were now. He really needed to get a hold of himself.

 

He needed to remember to everyone else, Phil was just his flatmate and close friend. He could explain a few tears of as him just “ _being so happy for his best friend_ ”, but the sobbing for hours and shaking and feeling sick to his stomach at the thought of this whole thing…

 

That was something he couldn't explain.

 

Dan breathed out, deciding to wash his face to somewhat rid the redness and disgusting stickiness of his eyes. He scrubbed his face with lukewarm water, patting it dry with a towel. He decided he looked okay enough for now, exiting the bathroom and into his quiet, empty lounge. The brunette sat himself down on the sofa with a sigh, arms wrapping around himself as he stared out the window. 

 

“Marriage...what an idiot.”

 

\--

 

Dan’s sadness dulled considerably over the next few days. Phil was at the flat less and less, but he'd couldn't bring himself to cry anymore. He felt the familiar numbness from before return. Caitlyn had made an appearance once since the news, and the first thing the brunette noticed is the lack of a ring on her left hand. So, he mumbled, “Thought you got engaged.”

 

“I did! But… Phil popped the question really suddenly. He said he didn’t really plan it, but the moment felt right, so he asked! He’ll get me a ring later… I may even get to help pick it.”

 

Dan’s expression soured and he held his tongue. _That's really stupid._ He repressed himself from saying it, and smiles, “Well, I guess that takes away the possibility of him getting something you hated, huh?” 

 

She giggled, hummed in acknowledgement.

 

“No ring also means you can back out without any sorta attachment if he becomes a jerk,” he quipped. His tone is joking for the woman’s sake, but his heart is full of malice and his attitude is bitter.

 

She laughed anyway. 

 

\--

 

Dan was making himself dinner. He'd read somewhere that doing little things like this would pull him out of his funk a little, but cooking for one when you weren't supposed to be living alone was depressing on its own. He set aside some chopped vegetables, checking on the broth contents he had brewing on the stove top. 

 

“Smells good.”

 

The comment made him jump, nearly burning his hair on the stove eye. He whipped his head around, seeing Phil standing sheepishly in the doorway. He breathed slowly, “You're home.”

 

Phil had just nodded, walking towards him slowly and watching as he tosses the vegetables into the mixture, stirring a bit angrily. He cringed. He knew his friend was angry at him. For keeping this from him, for not being home, for not warning him how long he'd be out. He swallowed hard at the thought. He had much more to tell the brunette, but he'd stall. At least while he was wielding a large kitchen knife.

 

“I suppose I made enough for two, if you're staying that is,” the younger man commented, making Phil look up at his back where he stood, stirring still, but much slower.

 

“I am. F-For tonight.” He saw his flatmate’s hand grip the wooden spoon a bit tighter, but he said nothing. “Do you wanna watch a movie or play a game or...something.”

 

“Sure,” Dan whispered, turning the stove tops off. He finally turned around, “Go choose something.”

 

\--

 

Dan served out two bowls of the stew-like concoction he’d made, smiling for once in awhile as Phil moaned around his spoon at the taste. He was proud of himself for how it turned out, if he was honest. The other male praised him after he'd finished, the small talk between them dying. “So...movie!” Phil chirped, switching over to their Netflix. He scrolled through the movies and shows until they both decided to just rewatch a few episodes of American Horror Story.

 

“Madison is a bitch,” Dan had commented at some point during the episode, making Phil giggle. “Evan Peters has a nice ass though.” 

 

His best friend smiled at him, rolling his eyes over his crush on the celebrity. The episode finished and a new one started, and the cycle continued, the boy’s attention fading away from the screen until they were both engrossed in some pointless conversation. It’d been too long since they'd gotten to relax and talk, Dan felt, and he allowed himself to feel like this was normal.

 

That was until Phil was shifting in his seat. “Dan. I...I gotta tell you something else.”

 

“Oh god, don't tell me you're a dad,” he joked, making his friend grin even a little.

 

“No, not at all. We’re careful enough. Its just…”

 

The black haired male sat up straight, twirling his fingers. Dan coughed, urging him on. “I’m, uh, moving. Moving out. In with...my fiancée.” 

 

Dan felt his entire world crumble. He should've known. He should have known as soon as Phil showed up less. As soon as they got engaged. He should've known all along, from the beginning, that his time with his best friend was limited. _All for her_.

 

He opened his mouth, closing it as he couldn’t form words. He did this repeatedly until he just looked like a dumbstruck fool. Then he whimpered, “Phil,” and the tears began to pour from his eyes all over again. Dan sobbed loudly, his hands moving fast to wipe away the tears dripping down his face as if he could somehow contain them, make them invisible to his flatmate– no, not anymore. He cried and cried, gasping as he felt Phil’s hands on his face.

 

“No, no, no, please. Dan, please don't cry,” he was wiping tears away with his thumbs, trying to soothe the brunette to no avail. “I didn't want to. I would never– it's just– she said engaged people should live together, and she assumed moving here would impose on you so I– I’m sorry, Dan.” The older man willed away tears of his own, knowing if he cried it would only upset Dan more. 

 

“I just, I thought – choosing her– over m–” he choked on a sob, “everything.” His words were choppy and hard to understand, and Phil didn't know what to do or how to console him. His brain short circuted. Dan meant so much to him. He cared about him more than anyone else. He loved him more than anyone else. He loved him more. _He loved him._

 

Dan felt like all the breath was taken away from him as he felt lips press to his own. The kiss was gentle, sweet, but also salty from the tears. He felt fingers stroking over his cheeks, one hand dipping to hold his waist. They fell back, Dan pressed against the arm of the sofa and his hands threaded into dyed hair, pulling Phil impossibly closer. The situation dawned on him and he unwillingly pulled away.

 

“You're engaged,” he said a bit breathlessly.

 

Phil swallowed hard, pushing all thoughts out of his mind except Dan, Dan, _Dan_ – “Just forget that right now. Forget it all.”

 

Then they were kissing again, Phils hands dipping under the brunette's shirt, and Dan did just what he was told, moaning against his friend’s lips.

  
He forgot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls follow me on twitter @colcumbia and talk to me about phan or even @ me and tell me to UPDATE MY FUCKING FIC because I'm so lazy fam
> 
> also tumblr is legithowell NYA
> 
> edit: QUESTION should next chapter be really smutty or should I skip to the morning after oops


	10. you & i

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i didn't forget i needed to update today! however... i lost power.. so this is really rushed. i wanted to get it up today. im sorry for: typos and bad smut.
> 
> but here it is the bum sex. sorry its bad. I only like the end
> 
> **PLEASE STOP COMMENTING THAT PHIL SEEMS OOC. Phil is not a character, he has sides we do not know about. As a writer of and *actual person*, you have to make inferences and sorta build your own character. So please, I know I'm not following the AmazingPhil persona, but this fic isn't about their YouTube selves. Ok?**

The two of them were already long gone by the time they stumbled into Phil’s room. Everything was tidy, as he hadn't been around to really mess anything up. It irked Dan at first, realizing this, but the thought went elsewhere as he was pushed down onto the plush bed.

 

Dan rolled his hips upward as his neck was attacked with kisses and bites, moaning loudly and fumblibg to hold onto Phil’s shirt. He tugged, pulling the back of it up until Phil leaned away to let him pull it over his head. There was a moments struggle where his head got stuck, Dan giggling when it came off and showed a flustered looking Phil with his hair sticking up everywhere. Phil gave him a faux look of anger at first, but then joined in with the giggling.

 

The laughter died down and they caught each other's eyes for a split second, then their mouths were locked together again. Dan reached up to cup his friend’s face, dragging his palms across his neck and down his chest, thumbs hooking into his belt loops. He pulled him forward, their hardening cocks brushing together through their jeans, making them both part to gasp in unison. Dan whimpered, urging Phil to begin quickly undressing him, pulling his shirt over his head in haste and immediately going down to his belt.

 

He fumbled with the useless thing considerably with his urgency, but managed to slip it off, pop the button, pull the zipper, and tug the boy’s  _ skinny, skinny _ jeans down. They fell into the floor along with Phil’s shirt, leaving Dan in his black shirt and tight briefs. He hummed, admiring the view, trailing his finger down the brunette's stomach and over the bulge in his pants. The small touch made Dan’s stomach jerk, and he let out a small moan,  reaching down to push Phil’s hand away. The older male looked up with a questioning look. 

 

“I just wanna get on with it...is all.” 

 

“Oh, alright.”

 

Dan pushed his pants down, lifting his ass so they could slide down his thighs and off his legs into the ever growing pile in the floor. He beckoned for Phil to come closer, shivering as pale hands slid under his shirt, stroking his sides and stopping to pinch at his nipples. His shirt was pushed up just enough so Phil could lean in and place his mouth over one of his nipples, tongue dragging over it to make Dan whimper. He leaned away, kissing down Dan’s chest, to his bellybutton, past his cock (with a huff of protest from Dan), and to bite at his thighs. 

 

After leaving a hickey or two on the pale skin, he moved back up to lick a line along the underside of Dan’s cock. Dan jerked his hips with a hitch of his breath, fingers twisting into Phil’s duvet. Phil rubbed the base of his friend’s dick, sinking his mouth down over his erection completely, tongue dipping into the slit to gather the precum that had begun to bubble up. He bobbed his head, tongue swirling around the tip with expertise. He pulled off with a  _ pop,  _ jerking Dan off with a few more strokes before he was trailing back up his body. 

 

Dan’s face was flushed up to his ears, tiny pants puffing from his lips. He took Phil by the face as soon as he'd kissed up his chest, pulling him in to kiss him, mouths opening so their tongues could push against each other and twist together. Dan moaned into his best friend’s mouth, stroking over his cheek lovingly and wrapping his legs around his waist. He rocked upwards against the rough denim of Phil’s jeans, hissing at the feeling. “Jeans off, please.”

 

Phil was gone for a mere moment, undoing the button and zip on his jeans, wiggling hips hips to help them come off. He palmed himself through his boxers with a sigh before pulling them off and letting them join his jeans. He returned to his place between Dan’s legs, finding the boy had taken his shirt off at some point, leaving them both entirely naked. 

 

Dan’s face turned red and he took a second to laugh quietly. “What?” Phil asked, leaning in to press their foreheads together and give the other a pouty look.

 

“Mm, nothing,” he mumbled, taking Phil by the face again and letting their lips meet chastely. 

 

It was sweet and slow and breaking Dan’s heart somewhere underneath it all; however, he decided he was going to push and push it down and ignore it until the last moment. They parted with a smack, Dan scooting closer to the edge of the bed to tug Phil’s side drawer open. He pulled out the clear lube and a condom, laying them next to him, looking up to Phil again. He sat up, Phil taking a small movement back to give him room, and flipped over. He wiggled until his ass stuck proudly in the air, his cheek pressed into the pillow, his hands gripping the blanket again. 

 

“Prep me, then. Unless you wanna do it yourself.”

 

Phil nodded dumbly, staring at Dan’s ass for a moment more. He took both cheeks into his hands, biting into one of the globes gently. Dan gasped, pushing back. Phil leaned away, reaching for the lube and nearly pushing it off the bed. He chuckled and Dan let out a puff of annoyance to mask his giggle. Phil poured the lube over his fingers, rubbing the pads of his digits together to warm it up ever so slightly. It was beyond cold, having been pushed away in his drawer and unused for so long now. He rubbed his thumb over Dan’s rim once, making the other shiver before he was pushing his first finger in. 

 

Dan clenched, not used to Phil’s fingers anymore. It wasn't but half a second later that he was relaxing, letting the appendage sink into him completely. Phil added a second one shortly after, slowly starting to scissor them, stretching Dan out with care. “Fuck, I really missed this sight.” The brunette moaned at his best friend's heavy, lust ridden voice, and urged him on with a swivel on his hips. Phil began to fuck his fingers in and out at a moderate pace, curling and angling them until Dan was choking on a gasp. He added his third finger, the male under him biting the pillow, and rocked them in and out, making sure to brush his prostate every time.

 

Dan whimpered and moaned, pushing back against Phil’s hand, practically riding his fingers. The older man picked up the pace, thrusting the digits into the writhing body with a quick flick of his wrist. “ _ Nn _ no more, P-Phil,” Dan rasped out, tightening his hole around Phil’s fingers to make him groan. “I’ll cum. Want you inside me for that.” Phil nodded enthusiastically, taking the condom into his mouth to tear it open with his teeth, rolling it over his painfully hard cock with a suppressed grunt. He covered his hand with extra lube, knowing the rubber didn't come with enough on it at all, and stroked himself. He gripped Dan’s ass, fucking into his hand for a moment, just to ease himself a tad. The brunette twisted at an awkward angle to watch the mini show, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth with a whine. 

 

“Phil,  _ god _ , please get inside me right now.”

 

Phil nodded, a bit breathless as he used his thumbs to spread Dan’s twitching entrance. He dribbled a bit of lube onto Dan just for safe measures, making the boy’s breath hitch. 

 

“That’s  _ cold  _ you shit!”

 

“Shh, I know,”

 

Phil smirked, nudging the head of his cock against the puckered hole. Dan’s arms nearly gave out in shock, but he regained his balance quick to wiggle his ass. He opened his mouth to tell Phil to get on with it before his friend was sinking in, inch by inch without a moments hesitation. “Oh  _ fuck, Phil!”  _ His knuckles turned white as they grabbed the blankets, his back arching and his face burying into the pillow. Phil placed one hand on Dan’s hip as he was buried to the hilt, the other gripping his shoulder.

 

He bent over the brunette, pulling his hips back to snap them forward, using his grip on Dan as leverage to push that much deeper into him. He started a pace that both of them found pleasurable, his hips smacking against Dan’s ass in a rhythm. The head of his cock pressed into Dan’s prostate, and he moaned loudly, starting to rock his hips in time with Phil. The room was filled with gasps, groans, pants, and moans, the sound of skin slapping against skin, and a heavy tension unspoken of. 

 

Phil shifted, letting his other hand trail down to grab the brunette's waist as well, now beginning to fuck him fast and hard. He let out a satisfied moan of his own, reveling in the tight, warm, and velvety walls encasing his dick, the high pitched moans of the man underneath him spurring him on further. He watched Dan’s ass swallow his cock up  _ needily _ , pivoting into him faster and faster as he neared his release. He keeled over, pressing his forehead into the spit between Dan’s shoulder blades as he thrusted messily, reaching around the jerk the other male’s cock. Dan let out a squeak, moving forward and backwards, attempting to fuck onto Phil’s cock, but also up into his hand. 

 

“ _ Shit _ ! Ah _ ,  _ yes,  _ yes, yes,  _ Phil!” Dan felt the drool slide over his cheek, his eyes watering as his prostate was thoroughly abused by the tip of Phil’s dick. “M-Missed having you-  _ nngh- _ stretch me open.”

 

“Dan. Jesus  _ Christ,” _ Was all Phil got out before he was cumming hard, thrusting unevenly into his best friend and moving his hand over his dick until he, too, was  _ screaming _ his name and clenching around his cock. “I love you,  _ I love you,”  _ he panted against the other’s damp skin. Cum splattered over Phil’s hand and Dan’s chest before the brunette collapsed into a heap on the bed, Phil following suit on top of him. He pulled out, pulling the condom off and tying it, disposing of it  _ somewhere _ for the time being. 

 

When he rolled back over, Dan was looking at him wide-eyed, his brown irises sparkling with tears.

 

“What? What's wr-”

 

“You love me.”

 

Phil shut his mouth, his brain shutting down for a mere moment.  _ Oh, I definitely said that.  _ Dan had tears pouring down his face again, a smile stretched over his lips. 

 

“Fuck, you're the worst. I love you, too, you know?”

 

And with that, Phil was up, dressing himself in a haste.

 

“Phil?”

 

He left without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- tumblr: legithowell  
> \- twitter: colcumbia
> 
> \- read my other fic on my ao3, pity party ! its pure smut yaaa!  
> \- leave me a comment! xx  
> \- see u monday!


	11. hello & goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM LATE IM LATE life happens BUt I'm only 30 mins late haha...ha
> 
> okay so this chapter is:  
> \- shit  
> \- terribly written  
> \- dramatic ASF  
> \- my least favorite to write so far. its v sad.  
> \- just drama drama drama  
> \- angst  
> \- again it's horribly written sorry my writing is shit  
> \- also not proofread lol sorry for grammar and spelling

Caitlyn trudged sleepily towards her front door when she heard a gentle knocking, checking the clock in her hallway along the way.  _ Who in the world is pestering me at 10 at night?  _ “Coming, coming!” she called when the knocking started up again. She stopped to fix her ruffled hair a bit before pulling the door open. 

 

“Phil?” Caitlyn’s eyes widened a bit, pulling her shaken looking fiance inside. She maneuvered him into her flat, into the lounge and onto her sofa. She sat next to him, rubbing up and down his arm gently until he looked a bit more calmed down. “Not that I’m not always happy to have you home-” Phil cringed a bit at her calling this place his home, but she didn’t notice, “-but I thought you were staying one more night with Dan before you moved and all?”

 

Phil shook his head, “Something happened. It’s fine. I’ll tell you later. I’m tired.”

 

Caitlyn nodded in understanding, kissing the other on his temple. Her nose shriveled in disgust, “You smell of sweat.”

 

Phil paled, picking at the sleeves on his jacket. “I didn’t take a cab. I walked, uh, jogged...here.”

 

He nearly sighed in relief when his fiancee bought his words, standing up with a sigh. “Well, if you plan on sleeping in  _ bed  _ you’d better shower.” She ran her fingers through his hair affectionately, turning and returning to the bedroom with a yawn. As soon as she turned the corner, Phil pulled his phone out.

 

He hadn’t received any texts or calls. No angry voicemails. No passive aggressive tweets.

 

Nothing.

 

_ Honestly, what was I expecting, though?  _ He dropped his phone onto one of the chairs and shuffled off to the bathroom. He took a quick shower, scrubbing himself thoroughly as if he could rid himself of all the guilt he felt with a cloth and some soap. He wrapped himself in a towel, quietly making his way into the bedroom where he dressed himself in some of pyjamas he had in Caitlyn’s drawers. Phil ruffled his hair in the towel to dry it a bit more before crawling into bed, pulling the duvet high up and over his shoulders.

 

He’d just started to settle down, his nerves calming just for sleep, when an arm was draping over his waist. He jerked slightly, but let his fiancee cuddle him. Until her hand was dropping lower. He sat up quite abruptly, and her hand reeled away in shock. “What? What’s the matter?” she asked frantically, sitting up and placing her hands on his arm. He flinched away and Caitlyn’s face contorted. “You seemed so stressed. I just thought…”

 

“No. I’m sorry, I’m just not in the mood,” he breathed. She nodded, looking a bit ashamed. Phil bit his lip, running his fingers over her cheek. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” Caitlyn smiled at the touch, placing her hands over Phil’s, scooting close to him and tugging him down for a kiss.

Their lips met softly and sweetly. Caitlyn pulled away, poking her fiance on the nose gently before she lied back down, cuddling into the pillow. Phil inched down into his spot again, letting the girl cuddle back up to him. He breathed out slowly, a numb feeling on his lips.

 

\--

 

The next morning, as Phil slept in, Caitlyn snaked out of the covers as quietly as possible. She nearly tripped and fell in the floor, but caught her balance with a loud huff. She quickly covered her mouth, spinning around to look at her fiance. Luckily, he stayed happily asleep, making her grin and leave the room silently. She went through her usual morning routine of washing her face, brushing her teeth, and tending to her hair. She decided she’d get dressed when Phil was awake, and padded into the lounge. 

 

She glanced at Phil’s phone sitting in one of the plush chairs, settling herself into the sofa and grabbing her own phone off the side table. She opened her contacts, scrolling a bit until she found just who she was looking for, pressing the call button without hesitation. She gnawed on her thumbnail as she listened to the ring.

 

“Hello?”

 

Caitlyn was a bit taken aback at how broken and hurt the voice sounded- rough, like he’d been crying. Her concern from earlier only doubled now. “Dan, are you alright?”

 

On the other end of the line, Dan was rubbing his red and swollen eyes. He was used to being let down by Phil at this point, but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Of course he’d cried. He felt absolutely used. Like a second choice. There was no way he could tell Caitlyn any of this though. 

 

(Or he could and ruin Phil’s life in return for all the things he’d done to him. But he was, sadly, too nice for that. Plus, he liked Caitlyn.)

 

“Yes,” he cleared his throat, sitting up straighter and tugging the blue and green duvet closer around his body. “I just woke up is all.” In all honesty, he hadn’t slept at all. He’d stayed awake either crying or watching Netflix on Phil’s TV while curled up in his bed with some kind of comfort food.  _ God, I sound like a teenage girl who’s boyfriend broke up with her.  _

 

“Oh,” she accepted this, moving on to her real reason for making the call. “Well, um. Sorry to bother you so early! It’s just that...I thought Phil would be, ah, staying at  _ your place  _ for the night, but he came home very...distressed. Do you know what happened?”

 

“No.” The reply was sharp and immediate,  _ angry, _ and silence followed it. Caitlyn almost thought she’d been hung up on until she heard the slight shuffle of sheets. 

 

“Oh...then-”

 

“Actually,” he started, and Caitlyn could hear him getting out of bed. There was a moment of nothing but the sound of fabric until she heard Dan’s voice again. “I’ve packed his things for him. They’re ready to moved over to your flat whenever you’re both ready. Alright?” Dan peered around at the boxes he’d packed in his fury last night, and he’d just shoved Phil’s duvet and sheets in along with some clothing. He glanced over at the television. Maybe he could keep that. 

 

“That’s very kind of you to do that,” Caitlyn whispered. She felt awkward. Dan’s voice had such an angry undertone. She only grew more curious of what had really happened last night between the boys. “I’ll tell him when he wakes up, and we’ll come get his things! He’s probably too stressed to pack anyway. Maybe we-”

 

“Yeah. Phil should have his key. Just tell him to leave it in the kitchen when you come by.”

 

The line went dead.

 

Caitlyn stared down at her phone, mouth slightly agape. Her attention jerked up to the doorway when she heard a yawn, a very tired looking Phil standing in the entryway.

 

_ Then everything collapsed on her. Everything she’d already pieced together. Everything she’d slowly but surely noticed, and she knew it was time to get this over with _ . 

 

“Phil,” she started, voice low. It grabbed his attention and he made his way over slowly, taking his phone from the chair he’d laid it on and sitting. 

 

“Mhm?”

 

“I...I need you to tell me what happened between you and Dan last night.”

 

Phil’s eyes widened a bit, and he let out a curt laugh, “What makes you think-”   
  


“I  _ called  _ him Phil!” her voice had raised in octave, distress obvious in her tone. “He sounded like he’d been crying! And he sounded so angry, he had packed your stuff for you and- and he hung up on me! Then last night you seemed so stressed out and you came home early. There’s no other reason you would leave your best friend on the last night you’d have with him for a while to come home- unless something happened! So, tell me! I’m your fiancee, why can’t you be honest with me!?”

 

_ She tried to play dumb. She just didn’t want to lose everything she’d started to build her life on. _

 

Phil watched as she huffed, her face red in frustration. He twiddled with his phone, feeling disappointed with himself for a moment before he looked up at Caitlyn again. “I’m sorry, Cait. I just… we fought.”

 

“About?”

 

“I’ve...forgotten.”

“It was about moving, wasn’t it?”

 

“Uh, yeah, partially, but-”

 

_ She broke. _

 

Caitlyn huffed a pathetic laugh, making Phil shut up. “I knew it. Phil?”

 

Phil nodded.

 

“Can you please be honest with me?”

 

He nodded again. 

 

“You don’t...want to move in with me, do you?” She looked sad, but her eyes were so genuine that Phil couldn’t bring himself to be dishonest. Caitlyn had always been so kind, so sweet and pure. He was tired of lying to her face and hurting her.

 

“No, not really. I’m sorry. That flat is just- my home, and I-”

 

“Shh, I know. But...there’s more to it. I know that, too.” Phil looked up at her in shock, blinking owlishly as she took his hands into her own. “When I first got with you, you were very caring. And you still are, but it was something else. There was so much love, it seemed, so much affection and so much passion.”

 

She shuffled closer, his fingers dancing across Phil’s face gently. He gave her a sad look, not sure where the conversation was going, but he listened attentively. “I knew you didn’t want to live with me. But I wanted you to try it. So, so selfishly. I wanted to marry you, and be with you. And that all seemed so probable...in the beginning. But even the prettiest roses die.” She sighed slowly, “However, new roses bloom. Possibly even prettier than before. We can’t stop that. Can’t change that. No matter how much we want to.”

 

“Caitlyn...what are you saying?”   
  
“I’m saying  _ do you think I’m stupid?  _ I’m not. I’m a lovestruck fool who wanted her way so she pretended and pretended until she couldn’t anymore. But I noticed the shift Phil. The way your adoring eyes turned away from me, the way your heart sped up over another name, the way you tried too hard to make something work that wouldn’t.”

 

“Cait, no, I-”

 

“Hush. Like I said, I’m not blind or daft. Just...I wanted to be happy like every girl does with someone she loves, but I can’t ruin someone’s life.” Caitlyn stood, pressing a kiss to Phil’s forehead gently. He felt the dams break and the tears pour down his face. “I know he loves you. I know you love him. I know what you did, Phil.”

He felt his heart shatter. 

 

“But I was so daft and so in denial. Not anymore. I don’t want to do it anymore. I would have loved to be Mrs. Lester, but not like this.” She helped Phil up, “I’ll send your things for you, so don’t worry bout gathering them up, alright? But, please, for the love of god, stop worrying yourself and tell that boy you love him.”

 

Phil’s eyes watered up and he nodded, quick to grab his phone, keys, coat- and then he paused once he had the essentials, still in his pyjamas with his hair a mess. “I’m sorry.”

 

“That doesn’t even begin to cut it. And once you’re gone, I’m going to cry. To lash out. To call my friends and bad mouth you. But I can’t change that you don’t love me, and probably never did-”

 

“I did-”

 

“-after the first few months.” She smiled, “After I send your things, I think we shouldn’t speak for awhile. I may forgive you sometime. Maybe. But this is how we can both be happy, right? Let’s just stop living this pipe dream that is me and and you.”

 

Phil was silent and still for a moment before he nodded, making his way towards the blonde girl so he could hug her. She wrapped her arms around him shakily and he whispered apology after apology. “I’m sorry, too, for playing like I didn’t know for so long.”

 

Caitlyn pushed him and arm's length away, and smiled, tears of her own spilling down her face. “Alright, you. Go. You have something important to do, don’t you?”

 

Phil shook his head, wanting to comfort the girl he’d come to adore so much as a friend, but he knew he couldn’t. He’d lost her for now. He made his way outside her flat, turning to glance at her one more time. 

 

“Goodbye, Phil. Perhaps I’ll see you again.”

  
She shut the door. He actually did run this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do not worry, you will see her again.
> 
> tumblr: legithowell  
> leave me a comment.
> 
> only two or so chapters left i think!
> 
> see you friday!


	12. lovers & friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its here.  
> hello friends I am still sick and about to go to the ER..again. /:  
> but don't worry I'm ok B)  
> *run by bts plays*  
> OK SO I hate this chapter a lot I can't rlly focus and so this seems really rushed and shitty and I might rewrite it at another point but for now this is it. and I hope you enjoyed YMBF because its my baby and I loved writing it and I love my readers bc ur all so so kind and just *cries*

Phil was very aware that he probably looked like a madman, rushing down the street instead of just taking a  cab , but he couldn't really think logically right now.

 

He was more than eaten up with guilt over the fact that Caitlyn had at some point found out about Dan. It hurt to know he’d hurt her. But it could have been so much worse. He was so grateful to know a girl like her. He hoped she'd forgive him one day.

 

However, those thoughts were for another time. Right now all he could think about was Dan and how he was going to apologize to him. How he was going to convey his feelings for him. Completely. And, well, not run away afterwards.

 

Phil nearly tripped on his way up the many,  many  stairs and fumbled with his coat to get his keys out so he could unlock their door. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure their neighbor wasn't there for whatever reason before pushing into the apartment. He bounded his way up to the lounge and dropped his thinks on the table. 

 

“Dan?”

 

The brunette was nowhere to be seen in the lounge, so he immediately headed to the bedrooms. He glanced at his door, shook his head, then knocked on Dan’s. He paused, listening, but was met with silence. “Dan? I'm sure you're angry at me, but I need to talk to you.” There was another lack of response. Phil sighed, leaning his head against the door. He twisted the knob, letting the door creak open as quietly as possible as he peered into the room. His eyes fell to the lump under the duvet, a gentle rise and fall signalling that he was asleep. Phil smiles softly, entering the bedroom and shutting the door with a tiny  click . He climbed into the bed, placing a hand on the snoozing boy and shaking him gently. “Dan, wake up, please,” he whispered, leaning away when the other’s breath hitched and he started to sit up. 

 

Dan rubbed his eyes, blinking away his bleary vision and looking over to the person who's interrupted his much needed sleep. 

 

And he nearly punched him when he saw  Phil.

 

“Why did you have to wake me up? Can you not just get your stuff, leave, and act like you were never here?”

 

Phil frowned. “No, I can't.”

 

Dan’s eyes turned to slits and he scoffed. He swung his legs around and off the bed, tossing his duvet back into Phil’s face. He stood up, stretching, “Okay, well, you woke me up. That doesn't mean I'm helping you move-”

 

“I'm not moving out, Dan.”

 

The brunette’s mouth snapped shut and, he looked down at Phil with wide eyes. He was silent, couldn't bring himself to say anything. So, Phil continued.

 

“Caitlyn and I broke up.”

 

“ What?! ” That snapped Dan out of his mini trance, and he sat down in front of his best friend. “Why? Everything seemed to be going great. I-I mean you were moving out and engaged and….and I don't get this.”

 

“She found out about, uh, the friends with...benefits thing. Well, its more like she always knew?” Phil shook his head, looking up to meet Dan’s eyes. “Look, at some point she figured it out, and she told me she just kept preteneding because...she just wanted to be happy. However, in doing that, she said...she was keeping me from being happy. So, we broke up. She dislikes me pretty bad right now, and she didn't forgive me. But she was calm about it. She said maybe she could forgive me, but not now. Then she sent me off to do something...important.”

 

Dan was at complete loss for words, and he ran his fingers through his hair. He coughed, “I can't believe she knew. I feel so bad, I never wanted to…”

 

“I know. Neither did I. But the point is, I made a mistake and I messed up and I hurt her when I should have just…”

 

“Pushed me away.”

 

“Broke up with her, actually.” Phil scooted closer to Dan, who gave him a confused look as his hands were taken. “Because I wasn't lying when I said I loved you.” 

 

Dan jerked his hands away, standing up quickly and rubbing harshly into his temples. “Phil, I swear to God!” He paced back and forth, only stopping when his arms were taken and he was spun to face his friend again. “You expect me to just say I love you back after you played me and ran out on me after telling me you're engaged and moving and also that you loved me?” Dan was shaking ever so slightly, and the grip on him loosened. “Because I am a huge idiot who does love you, too...you know?” 

 

Phil was trembling a bit himself, and he dropped his head onto Dan’s shoulder. He breathed shallowly, trying to stop himself from getting any more emotional than he already was. “Is this the important thing Caitlyn needed you to do?’’ Dan felt a nod against his shoulder, and he laughed bitterly. “You're both terrible idiots.”

 

“I love you, Dan.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

\--

 

“I just kinda figured it out over the span of that whole...agreement. You, and I hate to put it this was, were sorta like my spare...partner. I mean, we went on dates that Caitlyn missed and kissed, danced, laughed, had...sex. It was already like dating you. I realized how much I liked it, too. It was scary and dangerous and I had been with Caitlyn so long I couldn't bring myself to suddenly end it with her. Why? I don't know. So, I pushed you away. I pushed you away and pulled her close and tried to reconnect that feeling I had in the beginning but it was impossible because I kept thinking about you. I'm sorry I put you through hell. I'm sorry to Caitlyn, that I hurt her, but we both were pretending. We just didn't know that the other was, I guess? That doesn't matter now, though.”

 

Phil had Dan lying against him on the sofa, having been forced into explaining everything after they'd cuddled in pure bliss for an hour. The older boy intertwined their hands, “I regret a lot of what happened over this past...geez, year? But I can't go back and fix it. We just have to let time mend things.” Dan nodded, pulling his  boyfriend (oh man, it felt more than amazing to be able to call him that) down for a kiss. “Now it's about you and I. I won't mess this up. I swear on it.”

 

The brunette rolled his eyes. “You better not. Because if you go finding some other person to fool around with and then fall in love with them, I won't be as sweet as Caitlyn. I’m mean.” Phil nodded with a roll of his eyes and Dan settled back to lying on his chest. “You're an idiot and you're terrible and everything you put me through, not to mention Cait, was terrible and horrible. But I am in a place to forgive more easily. I love you.”

 

There was a gentle silence before Dan spoke again.

 

“Besides, you don't need another best friend or lover.”

 

“Trust me, you’re the love of my life.” Phil started, tangling a hand into Dan’s hair. “And if anyone asks, you're my best friend.”

  
  
\- End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there you have it!  
> this is actually not the "end" as it will have an epilogue that I will post either Monday or friday.  
> thank u for reading darling!
> 
>  
> 
> tumblr: legithowell  
> feel free to prompt me^^


	13. epilogue ; forever & always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm.so late but here IT IS!!!! THE EPILOGUE  
> (sorry I bought and played undertale ok)  
> its over guys...this is it  
> this fic was my baby.
> 
> anyway, I've got tons of ideas for new chaptered n long fics, I just don't know which one to start with? ;-D 
> 
> enjoy. thank you all for being the best readers and enjoying my fic. (sorry for mistakes!!!)
> 
> xoxo charlie

**5 Years Later**

  
  


“Dan!”

 

Dan turned away from where he was preparing lunch, eyes going to the doorway of the kitchen where a tiny girl with a mess of blond curls stood. She was nibbling gently on the tip of her pointer finger before removing it, uttering another loud, “Dan!” The brunette patted his hands on his jeans, stepping away from the food for a moment to crouch down to the little girl’s height. 

 

“What's up, Em? Cartoons go off?”

 

“Mm, nuh-uh,” she shook her head and tugged on his sleeve, “Come watch.” 

 

“Just let me finish making your sandwich, alright? Go back into the lounge and I'll be there in a moment.” He stood back up, returning to the simple work. He felt little hands on his leg, as Emma had refused to go back into the lounge. Of course. She was a two year old with a defiant behavior.

 

He prepared the colorful paper plate with a sandwich and a sneaky small amount of crisps (she deserved a little junk, she'd behaved today), “Alright, all done. Back to the lounge so you can have lunch.” She let go of his jeans and bounded off the other room loudly, letting out a garbled exclamation of excitement. Dan followed her with a not so tiny grin. Emma had decided to sit in front of the television in the floor, and once again, Dan decided to be a little lenient and not make her sit at the table. He put the plate in front of her, sitting himself in the plush chair just opposite of where she sat. 

 

Emma ate happily and loudly, and Dan chuckled knowing he'd have to sweep anyway. She finished with a mutter of ‘all done’ and he'd cleaned up after her, making sure she washed her sticky hands before inviting her to sit with him on the sofa. He'd ended up showing her how to play a simple iPhone game until she fell asleep across the place he'd claimed his sofa crease so long ago. It wasn't an until an hour into her impromptu nap that the door below wriggled open, and chattery voices filled the room vaguely. Dan smiled in delight, standing to make his way towards the source before two people bustled into the hall. They were much too loud and Emma was awake, grumpily whining until she saw a familiar face coming into the longue.

 

“Mummy!” 

 

She climbed off the sofa, running into her mum’s open arms, allowing herself to be picked up and coddled. “Emmy, did you have a good day?”

 

She nodded gently, and Dan laughed softly. “Hi Caitlyn, where's Phil?” 

 

It'd been about two years after the incident before Caitlyn even tried to contact them. They'd gratefully accepted her invite and Dan ended up apologizing profusely. It'd ended up in tears, but at least things were getting better. She’d also revealed that one of her closest friends who'd been there for her after breaking up with Phil ended up asking her out, and they'd been together for a year already. Phil sighed happily, congratulating her on her newly found love. After that they didn't speak again much until she’d shown up on their doorstep nearly another year later, sobbing something incoherent. It turned out she’d accidentally gotten pregnant, and wasn't sure how her boyfriend would react.

 

It’d taken awhile for the two to calm her down and assure her things would work out not matter what because _ we’re here for you  _ and she finally told her boyfriend, Andrew. Fortunately, and unsurprisingly to Dan and Phil, he'd be completely supportive and borderline ecstatic. In the few months following, Emma was born and she was loved by everyone. Dan and Phil had become Caitlyn’s best friends again, and they took every opportunity to babysit little Emma. She may as well be part of their family, too.

 

Dan smiled at the memory as he watched Emma snuggle her mother. 

 

“Probably struggling and tripping over himself.” The woman had giggled, pursing her lips.

 

“I'll help,” he sighed, rolling his eyes as he headed towards Phil’s room. He pushed the for open, watching as Phil fumbled and looked flustered, diving down onto his bed in the pile of bags there. 

 

“Phil, what the hell?”

 

“Nothing! I tripped!” He was nervous, Dan had learned this tone of voice. It was always strained and a bit too loud. He decided to let it slide for now. 

 

His boyfriend had just returned from a trip he'd planned with Caitlyn. She’d originally invited them both to help her shop for her wedding (Andrew had proposed a week before Emma’s second birthday) but  _ suddenly _ Andrew had  _ oddly  _ claimed he'd be busy and couldn't watch Emma. Dan became increasingly suspicious when Caitlyn acted weirdly, her voice almost similar to Phil’s when he got worked up, “Oh, well, oops! Sorry Dan, looks like you'll have to watch Emma!” Then she'd whisked Phil out the door.

 

“Okay...whenever you're done, I'll be in the longue.” He left Phil to himself and returned to say his goodbyes to Caitlyn and Emma. 

 

As she left, Dan couldn't help but wonder about this mysterious shopping trip.

 

\--

 

“ _ What?! _ Phil! How long have you've been thinking about this.”

 

“Oh, I don't know… a few months I suppose.” 

 

Caitlyn smacked her hand onto Phil’s head. They were sitting in the longue, Dan having wandered off to retrieve a movie from Phil’s bedroom and make snacks for their movie night. “Ouch! Caitlyn!”

 

“Tell me these things sooner,” she said, voice returning to its hushed tone. 

 

“Sorry, sorry. But now you know why Dan can't come tomorrow. Please have Andrew vouch for us somehow so Dan could, like, stay her and watch Em?”

 

Caitlyn hummed as if she was thinking about it, then huffed. “Fine. Deal. You idiot.”

 

They locked pinkies in a small promise and then returned to their spots on the sofa, acting normal again as Dan returned and settled himself against Phil.

 

\--

 

“Phil, yes. It's perfect,” Caitlyn had cooed, eyes dazzling as she held the tiny item in her hand after the salemans had handed it over the be examined. 

 

“You think so?”

 

“I know so. He’ll love it.” She dropped it into his hand with an affectionate smile. He turned to the salesperson, “I'll take this then.” 

 

\--

 

Phil had been examining his new purchase with soft eyes when the door opened to reveal his boyfriend. He yelped, clutching the tiny thing to his chest and diving down into the bags to avoid him from seeing.

 

“Phil, what the hell?”

 

The older man’s heart was thudding, a nervous sweat nearly breaking at the thought of everything being ruined in that moment. “Nothing! I tripped!” He cringed at the way his voice broke, and he knew Dan knew he was lying, but he prayed he said nothing of it.

 

“Okay...whenever you're done, I'll be in the longue.”

 

Phil held his sigh of relief in until Dan was out of the room, and pushed himself off his messy bed. He sorted through the bags which was mostly just two huge bags from where he bought a new jacket that had caught his eye and a few discounted games and movies that it couldn't hurt to add to his collection. He sorted everything where it needed to go, placing the small, encased item underneath a multitude of colorful socks. He’d have to move it later as Dan often snagged his socks, but for now, it was safe. 

 

He passed by Caitlyn, a drowsy Emma in her arms and thanked her before hugging her goodbye. Phil peeked into the lounge where Dan was switching the TV from an obnoxiously loud kid’s cartoon to a quieter, melodramatic series that was on right now. He made his way into the room, flopping down next to Dan who, almost instinctively, flopped over to lay against him for a cuddle. 

Phil carded his fingers through the messy brown hair and couldn't think of a more perfect, happy moment.

 

“I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

\--

Dan was nodding off on the train on the way home from the overly fancy engagement dinner Caitlyn and Andrew decided they'd throw after much prodding from friends and family. It was a bit too crowded for the two of the awkward men, but it was fun and the food was amazing. Even for its price. 

 

Phil pulled the boy close, letting him rest against his shoulder and he was out like a light. He rested his head against his boyfriend’s, taking his hand and twining their fingers together. There was a slight twitch of Dan’s hand, and then he let out a happy sigh. 

 

Soon, Phil was helping a sleepy Dan out of a cab and up to their flat. There was lots of stumbling and giggling, but they made it to one of the bedrooms that they both shared, and somehow ended up in their pjs and under the duvet. 

 

\--

 

The morning light spilled into the room and they begrudgingly pulled themselves out of bed. They twirled around each other making breakfast, and ended up covered in a bit of flour here and there, unable to stop smiling as they stuffed their mouths with fluffy pancakes. A quick shower later, wet kisses and a cheeky blowjob included, and they were dressed and ready to head out.

 

Caitlyn had invited them out, yet again, but only for a get together at their flat. They shrugged their coats on and made the quick journey through London to the comfy little home they'd come to love. Emma came tumbling into them when they entered the longue and she was instantly scooped up by Dan who nuzzled her chubby cheek. 

 

They made conversation for a good two hours, then Emma perker up. “Dan! Drew us!” She’d suddenly remembered when her mother had brought it up before trotting away and making sure Dan was coming. The brunette excused himself with a tiny grin, and then Caitlyn was taking Phil by the arms. “Soon?”

 

Phil nodded, hands sweating as he patted his coat that was draped over the arm and sighed shakily. “Do you think-”

 

“Don't worry about it.”

 

He nodded, her genuine smile filling him with a warm and confident feeling.

 

“Okay.”

 

\--

 

“It’s too cold to be at the park,” Dan mumbled, tugging his coat tighter around himself as if it was going to make him any warmer. 

 

“It’s such a clear night, though.”

 

“Why did you drag me here? I’m exhausted, I've been out all day.”

 

“I just wanted to walk in this frosty weather.”

 

“ _ Phil.” _

 

The older man laughed, taking Dan’s arm and sitting him down on a bench. It was tucked away between two trees, a small clearing thar had a perfect view into the night sky. “See the stars?” Dan nodded, and Phil let out a content noise. “They're beautiful. And there are so many, just twinkling above us. So far away, yet their shine finds us.” Dan let out a quiet giggled. going to ask what his boyfriend was going in about until he continued. The tone in his voice had shifted, though, and it made Dan nervous. There was an obvious quiver in his words.

 

“There's millions of them, and yet I don't think there's enough to have one for every reason I love you. I love your laugh and how its loud and other times its just a small snicker and how you giggle when I'm being an idiot. And your eyes...they squint up when you smile and they're such a beautiful color, even if you think they're boring. It makes me want to melt when you look at me with them so fondly. Speaking of your smile, your perfectly dimpled smile is what makes me want to get up sometimes. You roll over and look at me with tousled. curly hair and cheeks red with sleep, and tired eyes and whisper  _ good morning _ and smile...and it makes my heart skip a beat every time.”

 

“I love your quirky humor and your little pout when you want something and the way you roll your eyes but then crack a smile when I make a bad pun or something… a-and I love your hands and your nose and your  _ gorgeous _ legs and just your entirely beautiful self. God, Dan, I love you. And your need to straighten your hair even though you look fine and the way you always lean against me when we watch films and how when you want a kiss you don't say anything sometimes, you just cutely purse your lips and look at me.’

 

Dan’s heart was hammering in his chest, and he was trying to find Phil’s face but he was turned away, still looking up at the sky and it was dark despite the amber glow of the lights in the park. “I just love you, and everything there is to you.”

 

Dan’s throat closed up as his boyfriend finally turned around, the bashful look on his red face and then was dropping to his knee in front of him and all he could do was whimper out an  _ oh god, Phil. _ His hands were trembling and they were taken by similarly shaking ones. “Daniel...James Howell,” That's when tears poured down Dan’s cheeks, and he dropped forward jnto his boyfriend’s shoulder, arms around his shoulders. “I love you so, so much. We've gone through tons together and still found ourselves in each other’s arms. If soulmates are real, you must be mine. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

 

Dan was shuddering and he released his hands to push him back so their eyes could again. He was a mess of tears and sniffled, rubbing his jacket sleeve over his nose. “Oh god, I'm so gross-”

 

Phil chuckled, “You're beautiful.” He fished the little black box he'd been hiding away for no more than a few weeks now, holding it up and only sending Dan into more hysterics. He opened it up, a simple dark band with a few diamonds tucked into it. The artificial light caught the jewel and made it sparkle, and Phil turned the box side to side. “Dan…marry me?”

 

Dan’s breathing hitched at the words. He knew they were coming, but hearing them actually come from Phil’s mouth as he perched in front of him with a beautiful engagement ring in his hand. “Y-Yeah. Yes, of course, Phil. I love you. I love you so fucking much.” The ring was placed on his hand and he admired it for only a moment before he felt Phil’s arms sliding around his waist and then he was dropping back against him and pressing kisses across his cheek.

 

\--

 

Later, after a loving and slow celebration of their engagement, Phil carded his fingers through Dan’s sweat curled hair, his naked self curled into his side, and looked down at their interlocked fingers, the ring beautiful on his hand. He waited until his  _ fiance's  _ breathing evened out and he was happily asleep to before he grabbed his phone off the side table. It was nearing one in the morning, but he’d promised Caitlyn details. 

 

 **Phil Lester** - _12:52 a.m._

 

__ _ He said yes. _

 

**Caitlyn Thompson** _ \-  _ _ 12:56 a.m. _

_ I TOLD YOU SO!! Do it right this time! _

 

Phil smiled, pulling Dan closer and kissing his forehead. The brunette stirred, but just sunk back down and drifted off all over again, Phil’s chest swelling with affection.

 

_ I will.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**End**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: legithowell
> 
> please send me fic ideas so i know what to do with my time now...
> 
> twitter: @colcumbia
> 
> **  
> if you read this, tell me what fic sounds like something you'd wanna read next:  
> \- long thing called "30 days to fall in love"  
> \- ghosts  
> \- spies  
> \- royalty / prince x commoner  
> \- super smutty thing  
> \- trans dan


End file.
